What of Love?

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅

I’ve been away for a while…lost in a world of words….or trying to be in between life’s demands. All of this got me to thinking about my collection of words… how it is growing exponentially with each new author I experience. More than that…I realize that Phase One of my Reconstruction process was finding my voice…which I have done via words.

I suppose one would call this Phase Two…where I explore this new enigmatic and magical world where it is just I and words. Where I collect them like one would pick wild flowers in a field of luxurious splendor. That being said…I bring you my disclaimer which will officially initiate Phase Two of Reconstructing Christina… ~

photo journal

This is my Word Journal ~ Where I collect words, phrases, etc. Unceasingly adding to my repertoire.

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅

I could write of any thing…
Of every thing…
Hopes, fears, emotions…all of it…

Staring at the blank screen I think of my experiences…my past, present, future…
All coalesce into a myriad of thoughts and feelings…

I think of books I’ve read…of the greatest, most-gifted authors who write prose as easily as you and I breathe…of the beloved characters they’ve created…
I think of friends…of family…
Their thoughts, feelings, emotions on experiences in their lives…

I realize I needn’t write merely of my own small inconsequential existence…

Quite the contrary…
There are no ambivalent…ubiquitous…limitations..
I can write of all things…any thought…any emotion…any experience…
Words transcend…transport…our souls to the familiar…simultaneously to the hitherto unknown…

And what of love?

Universally speaking we’ve all tasted it…felt it knock us off our feet…or at the very least we’ve dreamt of it…what it would feel like in Love’s embrace…enveloped by all the very varied vicissitudes of that holy grail of emotions…

Yes…I shall share with you…dear reader…all of my experience with each and every emotion…be it mine be it anonymous…or pure fiction… For in the end…we all experience all of life eventually…some things exquisitely unique…some universal..

     ΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅

So, I would politely ask you to not equate my coming pieces referring to only myself…
Instead please think of my words as relating to us all…
In one form or another…

That is my wondrous challenge, given to myself by me..to write in such a manner so as to be relatable by all…
For we are inherently…at some level or another…all the same…
Uniquely similar…

~

Christina signature old script

Take Me As I Am…

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ocean_melody_by_WCS_Wildcat scott callow deviantart

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Take me as I am…

Talk with me…

Know me…

Understand me…

Love me…

΅∼ ೋღ ღೋ     ∼΅    

Look deep into my eyes…

Caress my cheek…

Tell me I’m the only one who can make your heart sing…

The only one who can fill your soul…

Tell me there is no other who tempts you…

Tell me I’m special…unique…desirable…irreplaceable…

΅∼ ೋღ ღೋ     ∼΅ 

Touch me softly…

With the warmth of your love whisper your adoration…

With a kiss…show me your love…

your devotion…your desire…

΅∼ ೋღ ღೋ     ∼΅ 

Take me as I am…

All my faults…insecurities…fears…

Give me all of you…

In return…

΅∼ ೋღ ღೋ     ∼΅ 

You shall have all of me…

~

΅~ ೋ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

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Gorgeous Photo By  ~ Scott Callow Deviantart

I’ll Be Gone…

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Moment                 

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I’m afraid to love…

To want…to wish…

Dreams…

Hopes…

All of it…

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I feel you calling me to you…

I feel your desire…

I feel your love…

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You’re my strength…  

My knight…

My dream…

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Take my hand…

Pull me close…

Hold me tight…

Don’t let go…

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I’ll love you so well nothing will compare…

I’ll be everything you wish…everything you desire…

I’ll spoil you so well…none but me will

fulfill you so absolutely…

so completely…

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You’ll wonder what I want…

What I need…

How you can fulfill me…

You’ll ask me…

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I’ll change the subject…

I’ll take a step back…

You’ll ask me to open up…

To talk to you…

I’ll be further away…

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Take my hand…

Pull me close…

Hold me tight…

Don’t let go…

΅〜 〜΅

Kiss me our last…

For when you wake…

I’ll be gone…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅   

Too afraid to risk it all…again

~

΅~ ೋ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

~

The above piece was purely a fictional foray…

or as I like to call it…”Fun With Fiction

΅~ ೋ  ೋ ~΅

My Very Essence…

΅〜  ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅    

writing roses

΅〜  ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅   

  I write because I love words…

More than that…

I am utterly infatuated, fascinated, increasingly enamored with them…

their ability to express anything and everything one would desire…

 So very many decadently delightful and exquisitely evocative ways…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅    

I write to release pent up thoughts…emotions, hopes, fears, dreams…

Endless expressions of me…

Who I am…why I am…where I wish to go in this journey of life…

΅〜  ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅    

Not only is writing my catharsis, it is unceasingly shaping me…

I quite literally am writing myself into who I am…

who I am becoming…who I will be…

My personal revolution…

A metamorphosis via a plethora of beloved words…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅    

If you wonder why I write..the above is the best answer I’m able to give you…

Perhaps that also explains why I write so often of the inability to

express words exactly how or when I would wish…

To put words to the vague…the intangible…the elusive…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅    

Some people call it writer’s block…

I call it amputation…

Without my beloved words…

I lose myself…my voice…my very essence…

I am only as unique as the words I choose…

The emotions…the feelings conjured by their purposeful placement.

It is my insistent compulsion to continually do so in ever more very varied ways…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅    

You need look no further…

For this is who I am…wholly and completely me…

To be found…

In each word I write…

~

΅~ ೋ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

   

Anatomy Of Envy…

΅〜 ೋღ    ღೋ      〜΅

_Seven_Deadly_Sins__ENVY__by_blackeri

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Duplicitous people… Ego reigns supreme…
Faceless anonymity…
Blending into the crowd…
 Envy ever-present in each shadow…

Pretense of Virtue…

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Infected thoughts permeate reason…

Drive inconsistent action….

Feed self-doubt…

Façade’s creation from distorted understanding…

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It is not self one now projects….

It is another…

Envy morphs into emotional despair…

Feeds on itself until nothing but Ego remain…

Ego cares not for others…

It is self-driven…self-fulfilling…

΅〜 〜΅ 

One cure will abolish it…

Gratitude…

For all one has…

For all one is….

΅∼ ೋღ  ღೋ      ∼΅

No one can be you…

 No one can be me… 

For we are each…

Unique…   

~

  ΅~ ೋ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

Photo Courtesy ~ blackeri deviantart

Blissful Oblivion…

΅〜 ೋღ  ♥  ღೋ      〜΅

Return_to_Oblivion

΅〜 ೋღ  ♥  ღೋ      〜΅

Love me no more…
Love me no less…
I cannot compete with the illusion I’ve created… projected…
I am not all you see…
My true self lies hidden in oblivion…
Buried inside…safe…protected…
I’ve worn this mask long enough to almost fool myself…

΅〜 〜΅ 

Don’t you see me?
Can you see beyond my charade?
Do you even want to…
I suppose that is the driving question…

΅〜 〜΅ 

I am a jaded dreamer…
Hopeless romantic…
Vulnerable…
Hesitant…
Cautious…
Shattered…
Reconstructing…
A plethora of words…none will do…

΅∼ ೋ ೋ ∼΅

Blissful oblivion…is where I remain….
~

΅ ೋ ೋ ΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~  ღೋ      〜΅

Photo Courtesy ~ AtropoTesiphone deviantart

Captivated…

΅〜 ೋღ  ♥  ღೋ      〜΅

blond_fantasy_girl_with_fishes_and_flowers_by_shurjo-d5vg3qw

΅〜  ೋღ  ♥  ღೋ      〜΅

You look into me…
Me into you…
We meet there in the middle…
Captivated…

  ΅〜 〜΅ 

Need drives its own insistent desire to inception…
Embraced in this perfect moment…
Held by the enigmatic nature of will…
Unable to look away…
Locked in place….
Locked in time…

΅〜 〜΅ 

Don’t look away…
Keep me here as I memorize your soul with mine…
Let us stay suspended in wonder…
Before Reality’s ocean rips us apart…

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We are helpless in its wake…
Fate’s cruelty using us as pawns for pleasure…
Neither here nor there…

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Our moment permanently fixed in the stars for all time…
Love…without completion…without end…

΅〜 〜΅

Forever captivated…
~

 ΅ ೋ ೋ ΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~  ღೋ      〜΅

~

Photo Courtesy of shurjo ~ deviantart

Undone….

΅ 〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

Undone 2

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

Procession of emotions…

Steady succession of thoughts, so rapid they are unfathomable…

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My mind begs surrender to illusion of peace…

Longing for tranquility of thought creating serenity in my soul…

Momentary glimpses of how the scattered pieces will join together…

One by one a blurry picture of future is forged…

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The quest for answers takes me down the path of distraction…

Unexpected knowledge…

New pieces always adding to the potpourri of thought…

Mirage of the new world…

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Conflicted confusion invades serenity…

Discovered distraction surrounds me…where does it dwell?

More illusion or just a dream within a dream?

Did I unknowingly discover these new pieces?

Adding to the journey of solution…

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I close my eyes and ponder…

Trying to find answers…

They are not forthcoming…

Purposely hidden from me…

Faux reality…

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Surreal scenarios leave me aching for illumination…

Conflicted distraction my new companion…

The very lens through which I see myself…

    ΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅    

Tonight…

I am undone…

~~

 ΅ ೋღ  ღೋ      ΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~  ღೋ      〜΅

In A Moment…

  ΅∼ ೋღ  ღೋ      ∼΅

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     ΅∼ ೋღ  ღೋ      ∼΅

       In A Moment…

     You can laugh…

      You can cry….

          You can behold the most beautiful things…

     You can have your breath taken away…

       You can experience excruciating agony…

      You can cry tears of joy…

            You can be given devastating news..

      You can smile…

      You can create unforgettable memories…

      You can fall in love…

      You can brighten someones day…

      You can give your heart away…

      You can walk away from love…

      You can break a heart…

      You can mend a heart…

       All this and more you can do in a moment…

   ΅∼ ೋღ ღೋ     ∼΅

      Cherish every moment…

       For it’s not how much time you have…

      It’s the moments you fill it with…

~~~~

     ΅ ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      ΅

    ΅∼ ೋღ  Christina~  ღೋ      ∼΅

Wipe Away My Tears…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅

Wipe Away My Tears...

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅

Melancholy descends…
Enveloping me…
Past and present collide…
Contemplation in the aftermath…

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Past…present…future…
Coalesce into conflicted confusion…

 I see the light faintly through the black of night…beckoning me to its peace…
I sit…ponder…feel…

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Tumultuous emotions inducing me to feel everything at once…
Happy, despair, joy, hope, fear…
The tears fall unwillingly…
They ignore my plea to stop…
Mirrored images recreate remembrance of every detail I’ve fought so hard to forget…

΅〜 〜΅
Life is fleeting…
In a heartbeat everything changes…

My strength is a façade…a mask worn long enough to convince me of it’s transparent deception…

Please…wipe away my tears…
Be strong for me…

΅〜 〜΅
Let me smile through to my soul…
Let that happiness waiting in the peripheral fill me once again…
Let the sunshine in…

~

΅~ ೋ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅