Soliloquy

Alchemical Prose…

Reconstructing Christina
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.To the writers who beguile me with their prose prowess…
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΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
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Wield your words just so…
Ignite my Intrigue…
Captivate my curiosity…
Luring my imagination to undiscovered realms…
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Enchant me…
Entice my devotion…
Your alchemical prose alluding, evocative…
Pleasure or pain…
We journey to both, through both… together…
Fascinate my imagination with your literary fusion…
And I will spend my minutes with you…
For your magical words, your spell.
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Do the impossible task of creating fire…in my mind, incendiary.
Introduce me to your magical working…
Evoke sensate thought, synesthesia…
Slip inside my dreams…
Conjure a mysterious world separate and apart from the mundane…
..
Adventure through kaleidoscopic emotions…
Powerful, strange, surreal…
Fates foretold, secrets disclosed…
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Inside out, upside down, the other way round…
Dance me through your words…
Spinning… spinning… spinning….
Leave me breathless…
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And then…
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Evanesce…as all the best dreams do…
only able to exist within the confines of my mind,
Filtering through my thoughts, feelings, dreams, perspectives…
Affecting them…
Transmutation…
As your locution becomes…
My alchemical prose…
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΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
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If you would like me to read this to you…
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΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
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    Christina 〜
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Perspectives’ Prism…

Perspectives' PrismA vast plethora of varying variables…
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     Mine…
              Yours…
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Arbitrary perceptual perspective…
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     When your perceptions become the subconscious mechanism of your every reaction…
     In which you presuppose what a situation or thing, a reaction, will be before you are in the moment of happening.
     You are then bringing the future to the present, not the true future, only your perspective of what it will be… before it can be anything. This moment when observed in its raw, open, transparent state, using all of your senses…  is malleable.
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     Two distinct perspectives. Which holds truth? Or is it merely a compromise between us both? Who argues the loudest, reacts violently…in words, action, or deed? Is that the one who holds the truth?
     In the simple action of allowing one beat of a breath before accepting or rejecting this moment as it is, without your assignation of your past biases…filtering what it could be, with what you assume it to be….masking the true moment.
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Life then, becomes Perspectives’ prism…
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΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
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If you would like me to read this to you…
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΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
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    Christina 〜

΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅

Introspective Expedition…

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Introspective expedition…
Seeking that which I lost…
Seeking me.
I have wandered, aimlessly at times.
Sometimes, I have just been still…
So very still…
Seemingly in stasis.
Day after night after day…
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Evocative epiphany ensconced throughout the exponential everythingness of each day…
      .
Suggestively present…
Beckoning me onward, inward.
Days in and days out…
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Outwardly, calm…
Inwardly, tumultuous…
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And then,
   One day…
I overcame the gravitational pull inwards…
I came home to my outward expression…
To my words…
To me…
To you.
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΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅
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Hello old friends, I have missed you… immeasurably much. I am so sorry for my absence.  To have been gone so very long. I have thought of you so often… each time sending my love and best wishes to each of you.
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Thank you so so much …for the gift of coming back to your messages of support, for thinking of me. It means more than I can say…
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I’m here now, full of more questions than answers…more ignorance than knowledge. I am ready to begin… again.
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Always begin again…
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  Christina 〜

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΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅
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Anachronistic Synchronization…

anachronistic syncronization
΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅
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“When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.”
Nietzsche ~
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΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅
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A Rift in time…
In her mind…
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The lure and the lie of emotional withdrawal when too many collisions of Memory’s timeline tangle up in a tumultuous ceaseless storm…
   Scything…
        Shattering…

          Lost in a requiem of chaos…

~

A dream within a dream…dissimilar yet simultaneously similar as if pages from her life’s book…torn apart, reassembled haphazardly.
While, improbable…nevertheless, making a new whole from the sum of its disjointed parts.

 ~

Past and present fragments collide…

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Cataclysm…

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        Anachronistic synchronization.
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 ~

          ΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅

~

     ~

I’ve been away and I’ve missed you, each….one…of…you. This is my way of attempting to condense the past few months.

The inherent tendency to withdraw is fierce in me. I’m working on it.

I’m fighting it.

I’m grateful…so very grateful, for *you*.

               ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

~

Digital art by Candra at cuded.com

Diaphanous Dreamscape….

girl white rose

΅∼  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      ∼΅

I look back trying to find illumination…
Seeking my inspiration…
Pivotal points of perception…
I search for my words…
They’ve left me in the desert of my reality…

΅∼ ❀∼΅ 

Transport me to my dreamscape…
Let me reside there…
Where words float around me like butterflies of serenity…
Whispering promises of peace…
A balm to soothe my soul…
My self expression…needing release…aching for it…

΅∼ ❀∼΅ 

I search the depths of my heart…
I see the tears…
The sadness…
The scars I choose to wear inside…
Remembrance of days gone…memories packed away…

΅∼ ❀ ∼΅ 

I see with hindsight a succession of happenings…
I see the struggle…
The very battle for my sanity ~ end with the discovery of my voice…
My words…
Each little nuance distinctively mine…

΅∼ ❀ ∼΅ 

I see pieces of me creating my sanctuary…
My oasis built from the words woven in my mind…
All ways there waiting for me….
A bouquet of thought…

΅∼ ❀ ∼΅ 

 This is my diaphanous dreamscape…
A reflection of me…
My creation…
Born from the ashes of my former life…
Now the foundation on which I rebuild….
~
~

΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅

     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Let Me Be…

captivated far away

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅    

Cacophony…Noise….Disquiet….

It is too much…

All of it…

Let me be still…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅    

I want to think my quiet thoughts…

Surround sound of silence…

Let comfort be my pillow…

Tranquility my blanket….

΅〜 ❁〜΅ 

If words were my ocean…

let me dip my toes in the pool of serenity….

let them swirl about soothing me…

whisper intrigue…

as they entwine to form expression of emotion…

A thought…a feeling…a wish…

Sublime superfluity…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅  

They encircle me…

Filling me with wonder at their joining…

Fascination at their power…

Passionate asseveration…crystalline purity…

Yes…please…

Let me be…

Just a little longer…

΅〜 ❁〜΅  

For If I am very still…

They come to me…

dance for me…bring me tears…delight…placidity…

a quixotic smile at their unique denouement…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅    

Yes…please…

Let me be…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜

Ostensibly Opaque…

crying

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

Colors of my soul…
Invisible…
Barely there…
Unseen…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
Whisper lies cloaked in half truths…
Solemn cadence
Vestiges of madness…

On the crest of a fallen tear…
Encapsulating every hurt…every fear…every disappointment…
As it traces its way down my cheek…it brings forth clarity…insight…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
Hope long suppressed struggles against its oppression…
Begging freedom…
Promising everything…
Seeking no remuneration…
Only opportunity to see itself fulfilled…
To bask in its beautiful rendition…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
To turn what was ostensibly opaque…into vivacious vibrancy…

 To shine…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

Waiting For The Rain…

inquietudine_by_b_r_a_c_i_a_t_a-d5f3woh

΅〜  ೋღ  ♥  ღೋ      〜΅  

On the precipice of reality’s revelation….
Staring out at the majesty of the sea…
Thoughts wander aimlessly..

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜

My life’s imprint…
Introspective…
On the cusp of inspiration…
Illusory images of illumination…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜 

Enigmatic longing…
Destiny ever so slowly revealed…
I wish as the waves roll on oblivious of me…
I wish for epiphany…
Enlightenment…
Knowledge of Fate’s intent…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜  

Contemplation of the ocean… timeless…mysterious…immortal…
Lost in the rhythm if its reaching to and fro…
Enchanted by its gifts which permeate all my senses…
Glimpses of future tempting me to push further…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜

I wait for any answer to my quest…
I wait for direction…
I wait for peace…
I wait for the rain to fall…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜

    Paradigm…
 

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

~

Gorgeous photo by b_r_a_c_i_a_t_a-d5f3woh

Nevermore…

woman beach

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Each night infused with insomnolence…

Fragmented Illusory images…

Each morning brings melancholic musings…

Daily demands dilute daydreams…

Rumination of life…

Daze of days…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Haunted memories…

Beckoning me to remembrance…

In between the now…the then…the what may come…

Back and forth…

Here and gone…

Secretly disillusioned…

Transient thoughts…

Resolute promises disappear through the ethereal wish of a dream…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Melancholy whispers…

Etching invisible scars…

Never ceasing…

Nevermore…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

The Place You Cannot Go…

Night_Dwellers_by_emptyidentityentity deviantart

The place you cannot go….

It is buried deep within….

Safely hidden from all external forces….

It is where my heart resides locked up tight….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅ 

I think of it often….

When hurtful words, actions, and circumstance permeate me….

Irregardless of their intent….they hurt….more than I can endure….

Inducing remembrance of why I wear my façade….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅ 

As my soul sinks deeper within its faux protection…

There can be no hurt, no pain, no disenchantment….

Impenetrable, as only I hold the key….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅

If I let you in, where you would wish to be….

The internal torment becomes unbearable with any action contrary to that which you wish to project….

Speak to me of love….whisper words of comfort…seek my trust….

All for not….for I will not let you in…

To potentially risk that which I have struggled…fought…

conquered with sheer determination….

The inception for this place of protection….

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

All I am….

The sanctuary of my essence….

Subsumed in the place you cannot go….

~

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

       ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Image by Night_Dwellers_by_emptyidentityentity deviantart