
Alchemical Prose…

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
Christina 〜
Lost in a requiem of chaos…
~
A dream within a dream…dissimilar yet simultaneously similar as if pages from her life’s book…torn apart, reassembled haphazardly.
While, improbable…nevertheless, making a new whole from the sum of its disjointed parts.
Past and present fragments collide…
~
Cataclysm…
΅〜 ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅
~
~
I’ve been away and I’ve missed you, each….one…of…you. This is my way of attempting to condense the past few months.
The inherent tendency to withdraw is fierce in me. I’m working on it.
I’m fighting it.
I’m grateful…so very grateful, for *you*.
΅〜 ೋ Christina〜 ೋ 〜΅
~
΅∼ ೋღ ♥ ღೋ ∼΅
I look back trying to find illumination… Seeking my inspiration… Pivotal points of perception… I search for my words… They’ve left me in the desert of my reality…΅∼ ❀∼΅
Transport me to my dreamscape… Let me reside there… Where words float around me like butterflies of serenity… Whispering promises of peace… A balm to soothe my soul… My self expression…needing release…aching for it…΅∼ ❀∼΅
I search the depths of my heart… I see the tears… The sadness… The scars I choose to wear inside… Remembrance of days gone…memories packed away…΅∼ ❀ ∼΅
I see with hindsight a succession of happenings… I see the struggle… The very battle for my sanity ~ end with the discovery of my voice… My words… Each little nuance distinctively mine…΅∼ ❀ ∼΅
I see pieces of me creating my sanctuary… My oasis built from the words woven in my mind… All ways there waiting for me…. A bouquet of thought…΅∼ ❀ ∼΅
This is my diaphanous dreamscape… A reflection of me… My creation… Born from the ashes of my former life… Now the foundation on which I rebuild…. ~ ~΅〜 ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋ Christina〜 ೋ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
Cacophony…Noise….Disquiet….
It is too much…
All of it…
Let me be still…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
I want to think my quiet thoughts…
Surround sound of silence…
Let comfort be my pillow…
Tranquility my blanket….
΅〜 ❁〜΅
If words were my ocean…
let me dip my toes in the pool of serenity….
let them swirl about soothing me…
whisper intrigue…
as they entwine to form expression of emotion…
A thought…a feeling…a wish…
Sublime superfluity…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
They encircle me…
Filling me with wonder at their joining…
Fascination at their power…
Passionate asseveration…crystalline purity…
Yes…please…
Let me be…
Just a little longer…
΅〜 ❁〜΅
For If I am very still…
They come to me…
dance for me…bring me tears…delight…placidity…
a quixotic smile at their unique denouement…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
Yes…please…
Let me be…
~
΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋღ Christina ~ ೋღ 〜
΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
Colors of my soul…
Invisible…
Barely there…
Unseen…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
Whisper lies cloaked in half truths…
Solemn cadence
Vestiges of madness…
On the crest of a fallen tear…
Encapsulating every hurt…every fear…every disappointment…
As it traces its way down my cheek…it brings forth clarity…insight…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
Hope long suppressed struggles against its oppression…
Begging freedom…
Promising everything…
Seeking no remuneration…
Only opportunity to see itself fulfilled…
To bask in its beautiful rendition…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
To turn what was ostensibly opaque…into vivacious vibrancy…
To shine…
~
΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋღ Christina ~ ೋღ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
On the precipice of reality’s revelation…. Staring out at the majesty of the sea… Thoughts wander aimlessly..〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ 〜
My life’s imprint… Introspective… On the cusp of inspiration… Illusory images of illumination…〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ 〜
Enigmatic longing… Destiny ever so slowly revealed… I wish as the waves roll on oblivious of me… I wish for epiphany… Enlightenment… Knowledge of Fate’s intent…〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ 〜
Contemplation of the ocean… timeless…mysterious…immortal… Lost in the rhythm if its reaching to and fro… Enchanted by its gifts which permeate all my senses… Glimpses of future tempting me to push further…〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ 〜
I wait for any answer to my quest… I wait for direction… I wait for peace… I wait for the rain to fall…〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ 〜
Paradigm…΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋღ Christina ~ ೋღ 〜΅
~
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
Each night infused with insomnolence…
Fragmented Illusory images…
Each morning brings melancholic musings…
Daily demands dilute daydreams…
Rumination of life…
Daze of days…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
Haunted memories…
Beckoning me to remembrance…
In between the now…the then…the what may come…
Back and forth…
Here and gone…
Secretly disillusioned…
Transient thoughts…
Resolute promises disappear through the ethereal wish of a dream…
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
Melancholy whispers…
Etching invisible scars…
Never ceasing…
Nevermore…
~
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋღ Christina ~ ೋღ 〜΅
The place you cannot go….
It is buried deep within….
Safely hidden from all external forces….
It is where my heart resides locked up tight….
΅〜 ❁ 〜΅
I think of it often….
When hurtful words, actions, and circumstance permeate me….
Irregardless of their intent….they hurt….more than I can endure….
Inducing remembrance of why I wear my façade….
΅〜 ❁ 〜΅
As my soul sinks deeper within its faux protection…
There can be no hurt, no pain, no disenchantment….
Impenetrable, as only I hold the key….
΅〜 ❁ 〜΅
If I let you in, where you would wish to be….
The internal torment becomes unbearable with any action contrary to that which you wish to project….
Speak to me of love….whisper words of comfort…seek my trust….
All for not….for I will not let you in…
To potentially risk that which I have struggled…fought…
conquered with sheer determination….
The inception for this place of protection….
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
All I am….
The sanctuary of my essence….
Subsumed in the place you cannot go….
~
΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ 〜΅
΅〜 ೋ Christina〜 ೋ 〜΅