Hope

Ostensibly Opaque…

crying

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

Colors of my soul…
Invisible…
Barely there…
Unseen…

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Whisper lies cloaked in half truths…
Solemn cadence
Vestiges of madness…

On the crest of a fallen tear…
Encapsulating every hurt…every fear…every disappointment…
As it traces its way down my cheek…it brings forth clarity…insight…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
Hope long suppressed struggles against its oppression…
Begging freedom…
Promising everything…
Seeking no remuneration…
Only opportunity to see itself fulfilled…
To bask in its beautiful rendition…

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To turn what was ostensibly opaque…into vivacious vibrancy…

 To shine…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

Silhouette….

shadow woman hat

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     ∼΅      

That was the day the sun stopped shining…

That was the day she realized she was dreaming…

Not living…

She was but a semblance of her former self…

An illusion created to protect…

Inevitably…

That very protection became self-induced isolation…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     ∼΅  

She had believed everything…

Trusted everyone…

Perhaps naivety reigned…

Perhaps….so very many things…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      ∼΅  

Falling into the very disillusionment that woke her to Life’s reality…

She welcomes this descent…

She knows it well…

She’s comfortable here surrounded by familiar phantoms…

All the disconsolate whispers…

Shadow’s silhouette casting the backdrop for a prior dream…

Antecedent of every hope, desire, aspiration…

 ΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     ∼΅  

She will not cry…

Not one tear…

For they are hers alone…

And only when she is alone will they appear…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

Preponderance Of Maybe…

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autumn_melancholy_by_mi_eterna_primavera-d5lcanx

  ΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅    

Maybe fills Uncertainty…

Wrapped in risk…

What if’s abound…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Machinations of love occupy thought…

Permeate senses….

Resonating reason leaving a trail of doubt…

Maybe prowls lurking…

Night’s shadow…

Unceasingly seeking the entrance to Heart’s fortress…

The path I fear to tread…

Caution in bold relief on Soul’s frieze…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Love…potential probabilities…risk…life…safety…reason…

Internal discourse…

Preponderance of maybe…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Left behind in the warmth of embrace…

Doubt dissipates…

Forgotten on the shores of Trust’s consistent building…

Daring me to walk on…

Pushing beyond that fear which I hide behind so well…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

One kiss…

Elucidation sets me free…

~

   ΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

Hope’s Dream…

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Hope's Dream

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I dream in soft golden hues of hope..
I dream the intangible becomes visceral…
I dream in shades of eternal spring…

΅ 〜 ❀ 〜 ΅ 

Where everything is reborn…new and possible…
Where my heart doesn’t ache in the throes of love’s vicissitudes…
Where life is likened to a blossoming rose…
slowly opening to welcome sunshine…
Where the gentle rains wash away my tears…

΅ 〜 ❀ 〜 ΅ 

I dream of kindness not bitterness…
Of hope…not despair…
Of honesty…not duplicity…
Of transparency…not hidden agendas…

΅ ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      ΅

I dream for inspiration…
I dream for hope renewed…
I dream because I must…

~

΅ ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      ΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~  ღೋ      〜΅

Wipe Away My Tears…

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

Wipe Away My Tears...

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

Melancholy descends…
Enveloping me…
Past and present collide…
Contemplation in the aftermath…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅
Past…present…future…
Coalesce into conflicted confusion…

 I see the light faintly through the black of night…beckoning me to its peace…
I sit…ponder…feel…

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Tumultuous emotions inducing me to feel everything at once…
Happy, despair, joy, hope, fear…
The tears fall unwillingly…
They ignore my plea to stop…
Mirrored images recreate remembrance of every detail I’ve fought so hard to forget…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅
Life is fleeting…
In a heartbeat everything changes…

My strength is a façade…a mask worn long enough to convince me of it’s transparent deception…

Please…wipe away my tears…
Be strong for me…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅
Let me smile through to my soul…
Let that happiness waiting in the peripheral fill me once again…
Let the sunshine in…

~

΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

Enigma…

Each day we face similar choices depending on daily scenario’s. Recently…I have been reminded of how I was feeling a year ago and so with that I present….  ~ Enigma…

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path

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 There on a path to future lies converging trails…

One reminds me of better days long gone…

One leads to the promise of future…

  ΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      ∼΅

I sit…think…ponder…

Why does one necessarily negate the other?

Conflicted confusion…

  ΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      ∼΅

The future is hope, risk, love, heartbreak, having, losing…

As is life in all of its ups, downs and all arounds…

Tumultuous emotions wash over me as I wonder which path…

All the while knowing, as I always have, that life moves in one direction…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      ∼΅

I cry silent hidden tears as the truth permeates me…

Time moves in one direction…

Always to the future…

Never to past…

I know this and yet…

It feels as though letting go of the past means it truly is gone…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      ∼΅    

Two paths converge into one…

I know I must take the one to the future, because that is the way of life…

Always moving forward despite anyone or anything…

Time is an enigma which marches on irreverent of feeling…

Void of thought or emotion…

We choose to move with it or forever be trapped in the loneliness of the black void…

I will no longer be trapped in the void…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      ∼΅    

Sweet encouraging voices beckon me to life, irregardless of the risk I know it brings…

I follow time’s path because of hope that will wash away melancholy…

I take the leap of faith..

Knowing only one thing for sure…

Time marches ever forward and now I am its companion…

One step…

Here I go…

~

΅〜 ೋღ  ❀ღೋೋ     〜΅

  ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅ 

Enigma…

~*~

~*~

There on a path to future lies converging trails…

One reminds me of better days long gone…

One leads to the promise of future…

~*~

I sit…think…ponder…

Why does one necessarily negate the other?

Conflicted confusion…

~*~

The future is hope, risk, love, heartbreak, having, losing…

As is life in all of its ups, downs and all arounds…

Tumultuous emotions wash over me as I wonder which path…

All the while knowing, as I always have, that life moves in one direction…

~*~

I cry silent hidden tears as the truth permeates me…

Time moves in one direction…

Always to the future…

Never to past…

I know this and yet…

It feels as though letting go of the past means it truly is gone…

~*~

Two paths converge into one…

I know I must take the one to the future, because that is the way of life…

Always moving forward despite anyone or anything…

Time is an enigma which marches on irreverent of feeling…

Void of thought or emotion…

We choose to move with it or forever be trapped in the loneliness of the black void…

I will no longer be trapped in the void…

~*~

Sweet encouraging voices beckon me to life, irregardless of the risk I know it brings…

I follow time’s path because of hope that will wash away melancholy…

I take the leap of faith..

Knowing only one thing for sure…

Time marches ever forward and now I am its companion…

One step…

Here I go…

~*~

~*~

Copyright ©2012 Christina Brownlee

Intoxicating Inception…

~*~

~*~

As if from nowhere…

Suddenly you were there…

You knew me, better than I knew myself…

I recognized you even though you were unknown…

Intoxicating inception…

~*~

Soft sensuous whispers of promising adventures to come…

Laughter…joy…peace…trust…

Excited anticipation to know and be known again…

Seduction by words…

~*~

Reality comes crashing in…

Doubt…fear…uncertainty…

This can not be real…

You are my imagination’s foolish figment…

I realize the truth…

You can not be here….

This can not be real…

~*~

The mind rationalizes the irrational, to protect itself…

Dichotomy in a dream…

~*~

Dare I risk tempestuous temptation?

What if…

A whole plethora of what if’s…

~*~

If I want to live…

If I want to truly experience life…

Then I must accept the terrifying risk…

That when I awake from this desirous dream…

You…disappear…

~*~

~*~

Copyright ©2012 Christina Brownlee

One Night…

~*~

~*~

Lying under the blanket of night…
Stars sparkle their way through the black backdrop…
Creating illusions of images to please each soul…

~*~
Waiting for a star to fall…
Waiting to wish my secret wish…
I stare intently…hoping…
They are oblivious of me and my desirous intention…

~*~
Still I watch…
Still I wait…

~*~
Longing for that one fleeting moment…
They continue their twinkling show…

~*~
Still I wait…
Still I watch…

~*~
Night…
Your playground…
My wishing place…

~*~

~*~

Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

Paradox…

~*~

~*~

Words string together in my mind like the rushing river….

Lost in the current of thought…

Gone too fast to contemplate…

Hope…excitement…longing…anticipation…

Distraction….

Delusion…

Disquiet….

Paradox…

Hope and Fear cannot live together…

So many words…

So many questions…

So many …too many…

Confusion….

Your sweet voice in my ears like a warm summer breeze…

Soothing…tempting…beckoning…

Delicious distraction…

A dream hidden in reality…

Another paradox…

Dissipating disquiet…

Breathe….just…breathe…

~*~

Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee ~