Fear

Ostensibly Opaque…

crying

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

Colors of my soul…
Invisible…
Barely there…
Unseen…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
Whisper lies cloaked in half truths…
Solemn cadence
Vestiges of madness…

On the crest of a fallen tear…
Encapsulating every hurt…every fear…every disappointment…
As it traces its way down my cheek…it brings forth clarity…insight…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
Hope long suppressed struggles against its oppression…
Begging freedom…
Promising everything…
Seeking no remuneration…
Only opportunity to see itself fulfilled…
To bask in its beautiful rendition…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
To turn what was ostensibly opaque…into vivacious vibrancy…

 To shine…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

The Place You Cannot Go…

Night_Dwellers_by_emptyidentityentity deviantart

The place you cannot go….

It is buried deep within….

Safely hidden from all external forces….

It is where my heart resides locked up tight….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅ 

I think of it often….

When hurtful words, actions, and circumstance permeate me….

Irregardless of their intent….they hurt….more than I can endure….

Inducing remembrance of why I wear my façade….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅ 

As my soul sinks deeper within its faux protection…

There can be no hurt, no pain, no disenchantment….

Impenetrable, as only I hold the key….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅

If I let you in, where you would wish to be….

The internal torment becomes unbearable with any action contrary to that which you wish to project….

Speak to me of love….whisper words of comfort…seek my trust….

All for not….for I will not let you in…

To potentially risk that which I have struggled…fought…

conquered with sheer determination….

The inception for this place of protection….

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

All I am….

The sanctuary of my essence….

Subsumed in the place you cannot go….

~

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

       ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Image by Night_Dwellers_by_emptyidentityentity deviantart

Preponderance Of Maybe…

  ΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅    

autumn_melancholy_by_mi_eterna_primavera-d5lcanx

  ΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅    

Maybe fills Uncertainty…

Wrapped in risk…

What if’s abound…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Machinations of love occupy thought…

Permeate senses….

Resonating reason leaving a trail of doubt…

Maybe prowls lurking…

Night’s shadow…

Unceasingly seeking the entrance to Heart’s fortress…

The path I fear to tread…

Caution in bold relief on Soul’s frieze…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Love…potential probabilities…risk…life…safety…reason…

Internal discourse…

Preponderance of maybe…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Left behind in the warmth of embrace…

Doubt dissipates…

Forgotten on the shores of Trust’s consistent building…

Daring me to walk on…

Pushing beyond that fear which I hide behind so well…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

One kiss…

Elucidation sets me free…

~

   ΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

Take Me As I Am…

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ocean_melody_by_WCS_Wildcat scott callow deviantart

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Take me as I am…

Talk with me…

Know me…

Understand me…

Love me…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     ∼΅    

Look deep into my eyes…

Caress my cheek…

Tell me I’m the only one who can make your heart sing…

The only one who can fill your soul…

Tell me there is no other who tempts you…

Tell me I’m special…unique…desirable…irreplaceable…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     ∼΅ 

Touch me softly…

With the warmth of your love whisper your adoration…

With a kiss…show me your love…

your devotion…your desire…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     ∼΅ 

Take me as I am…

All my faults…insecurities…fears…

Give me all of you…

In return…

΅∼ ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     ∼΅ 

You shall have all of me…

~

΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

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Gorgeous Photo By  ~ Scott Callow Deviantart

I’ll Be Gone…

΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

Moment                 

΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

I’m afraid to love…

To want…to wish…

Dreams…

Hopes…

All of it…

   ΅〜 ❀ 〜΅     

I feel you calling me to you…

I feel your desire…

I feel your love…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅

You’re my strength…  

My knight…

My dream…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅

Take my hand…

Pull me close…

Hold me tight…

Don’t let go…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅

I’ll love you so well nothing will compare…

I’ll be everything you wish…everything you desire…

I’ll spoil you so well…none but me will

fulfill you so absolutely…

so completely…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅

You’ll wonder what I want…

What I need…

How you can fulfill me…

You’ll ask me…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅  

I’ll change the subject…

I’ll take a step back…

You’ll ask me to open up…

To talk to you…

I’ll be further away…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅

Take my hand…

Pull me close…

Hold me tight…

Don’t let go…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅

Kiss me our last…

For when you wake…

I’ll be gone…

΅〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜΅   

Too afraid to risk it all…again

~

΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

~

The above piece was purely a fictional foray…

or as I like to call it…”Fun With Fiction“

΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

Wipe Away My Tears…

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

Wipe Away My Tears...

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅

Melancholy descends…
Enveloping me…
Past and present collide…
Contemplation in the aftermath…

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Past…present…future…
Coalesce into conflicted confusion…

 I see the light faintly through the black of night…beckoning me to its peace…
I sit…ponder…feel…

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Tumultuous emotions inducing me to feel everything at once…
Happy, despair, joy, hope, fear…
The tears fall unwillingly…
They ignore my plea to stop…
Mirrored images recreate remembrance of every detail I’ve fought so hard to forget…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅
Life is fleeting…
In a heartbeat everything changes…

My strength is a façade…a mask worn long enough to convince me of it’s transparent deception…

Please…wipe away my tears…
Be strong for me…

΅〜 ❀ 〜΅
Let me smile through to my soul…
Let that happiness waiting in the peripheral fill me once again…
Let the sunshine in…

~

΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅

Intoxicating Inception…

~*~

~*~

As if from nowhere…

Suddenly you were there…

You knew me, better than I knew myself…

I recognized you even though you were unknown…

Intoxicating inception…

~*~

Soft sensuous whispers of promising adventures to come…

Laughter…joy…peace…trust…

Excited anticipation to know and be known again…

Seduction by words…

~*~

Reality comes crashing in…

Doubt…fear…uncertainty…

This can not be real…

You are my imagination’s foolish figment…

I realize the truth…

You can not be here….

This can not be real…

~*~

The mind rationalizes the irrational, to protect itself…

Dichotomy in a dream…

~*~

Dare I risk tempestuous temptation?

What if…

A whole plethora of what if’s…

~*~

If I want to live…

If I want to truly experience life…

Then I must accept the terrifying risk…

That when I awake from this desirous dream…

You…disappear…

~*~

~*~

Copyright ©2012 Christina Brownlee

Paradox…

~*~

~*~

Words string together in my mind like the rushing river….

Lost in the current of thought…

Gone too fast to contemplate…

Hope…excitement…longing…anticipation…

Distraction….

Delusion…

Disquiet….

Paradox…

Hope and Fear cannot live together…

So many words…

So many questions…

So many …too many…

Confusion….

Your sweet voice in my ears like a warm summer breeze…

Soothing…tempting…beckoning…

Delicious distraction…

A dream hidden in reality…

Another paradox…

Dissipating disquiet…

Breathe….just…breathe…

~*~

Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee ~