Soliloquy

Let Me Be…

captivated far away

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅    

Cacophony…Noise….Disquiet….

It is too much…

All of it…

Let me be still…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅    

I want to think my quiet thoughts…

Surround sound of silence…

Let comfort be my pillow…

Tranquility my blanket….

΅〜 ❁〜΅ 

If words were my ocean…

let me dip my toes in the pool of serenity….

let them swirl about soothing me…

whisper intrigue…

as they entwine to form expression of emotion…

A thought…a feeling…a wish…

Sublime superfluity…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅  

They encircle me…

Filling me with wonder at their joining…

Fascination at their power…

Passionate asseveration…crystalline purity…

Yes…please…

Let me be…

Just a little longer…

΅〜 ❁〜΅  

For If I am very still…

They come to me…

dance for me…bring me tears…delight…placidity…

a quixotic smile at their unique denouement…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅    

Yes…please…

Let me be…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜

Ostensibly Opaque…

crying

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

Colors of my soul…
Invisible…
Barely there…
Unseen…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
Whisper lies cloaked in half truths…
Solemn cadence
Vestiges of madness…

On the crest of a fallen tear…
Encapsulating every hurt…every fear…every disappointment…
As it traces its way down my cheek…it brings forth clarity…insight…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
Hope long suppressed struggles against its oppression…
Begging freedom…
Promising everything…
Seeking no remuneration…
Only opportunity to see itself fulfilled…
To bask in its beautiful rendition…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
To turn what was ostensibly opaque…into vivacious vibrancy…

 To shine…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

Waiting For The Rain…

inquietudine_by_b_r_a_c_i_a_t_a-d5f3woh

΅〜  ೋღ  ♥  ღೋ      〜΅  

On the precipice of reality’s revelation….
Staring out at the majesty of the sea…
Thoughts wander aimlessly..

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜

My life’s imprint…
Introspective…
On the cusp of inspiration…
Illusory images of illumination…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜 

Enigmatic longing…
Destiny ever so slowly revealed…
I wish as the waves roll on oblivious of me…
I wish for epiphany…
Enlightenment…
Knowledge of Fate’s intent…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜  

Contemplation of the ocean… timeless…mysterious…immortal…
Lost in the rhythm if its reaching to and fro…
Enchanted by its gifts which permeate all my senses…
Glimpses of future tempting me to push further…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜

I wait for any answer to my quest…
I wait for direction…
I wait for peace…
I wait for the rain to fall…

〜 ೋღ ❀ ღೋ      〜

    Paradigm…
 

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

~

Gorgeous photo by b_r_a_c_i_a_t_a-d5f3woh

Nevermore…

woman beach

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Each night infused with insomnolence…

Fragmented Illusory images…

Each morning brings melancholic musings…

Daily demands dilute daydreams…

Rumination of life…

Daze of days…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Haunted memories…

Beckoning me to remembrance…

In between the now…the then…the what may come…

Back and forth…

Here and gone…

Secretly disillusioned…

Transient thoughts…

Resolute promises disappear through the ethereal wish of a dream…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Melancholy whispers…

Etching invisible scars…

Never ceasing…

Nevermore…

~

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

The Place You Cannot Go…

Night_Dwellers_by_emptyidentityentity deviantart

The place you cannot go….

It is buried deep within….

Safely hidden from all external forces….

It is where my heart resides locked up tight….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅ 

I think of it often….

When hurtful words, actions, and circumstance permeate me….

Irregardless of their intent….they hurt….more than I can endure….

Inducing remembrance of why I wear my façade….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅ 

As my soul sinks deeper within its faux protection…

There can be no hurt, no pain, no disenchantment….

Impenetrable, as only I hold the key….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅

If I let you in, where you would wish to be….

The internal torment becomes unbearable with any action contrary to that which you wish to project….

Speak to me of love….whisper words of comfort…seek my trust….

All for not….for I will not let you in…

To potentially risk that which I have struggled…fought…

conquered with sheer determination….

The inception for this place of protection….

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

All I am….

The sanctuary of my essence….

Subsumed in the place you cannot go….

~

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

       ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Image by Night_Dwellers_by_emptyidentityentity deviantart

Fragmented Reflections…

In_a_dark_place_by_moonchild_ljilja deviantart

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

Identity fragmented into thousands of reflections…
Who she was…
Who she is…
Who she will be…
Lost in the myriad of pieces that together make one whole…
΅〜 ❁ 〜΅

Fractured time…

Shattered soul…

Rebuilding….

Visceral renovation…

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅

Looking back…

Retracing steps of Memory’s journey…

Rumination of events leading to present…

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅

She cries out from the conflicted chaos born from bringing the past to the present…

That girl, long abandoned…fervently seeking to find her place…

In this time…she cannot be…

Her time has come and gone…

Leaving me to forge a path to future…

Where I will also cease to be…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

For in the future…

Indomitable change will come yet again….

Inevitably…I will become the girl crying out…

From the past….

΅〜 ❁ 〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

“It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream.”
΅〜 Edgar Allan Poe 〜΅

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Gorgeous photo by moonchild Ljilja ~

When The Sun Sets…

when the sun sets

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Where will you be?

〜 ❁ 〜

Watching the sunset paint the sky with furious reds, pinks, purple

evokes remembrance of fire and passion…

Vibrant hues deepening…

Transitioning twilight…

Melancholy imbued aftermath…

Where will you be?

〜 ❁ 〜

Threshold of darkness…

Skyscape displaying its resplendence…

I watch…captivated…

Lost in my own shifting world and I wonder where will you be

when the sun disappears over the horizon …

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

I would imagine…

You will be watching the sun rise…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Christina signature old script

Phantoms of Nostalgia…

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

133ed0e29ae0e9f74e52eb1b578c9741 by LadyUndone Deviantart

΅〜 ೋღ ♥ ღೋ     〜΅

Seasonal daydreams…
Inducement of contemplation…
Crystal clarity colors perfection…
Kaleidoscope…

 ΅〜❁〜΅ 
September dissipates summertime sadness…
Lost in Autumn’s haze…
Interminable wait…
October’s promise…
Precursor to winter’s wrap…
Undertones of unknown fill the space between…

΅〜❁〜΅
Hope meets Dream…
Their collision sparks ignition…
November’s epiphany waits impatiently…
Mists of enchantment permeate dreams… filling them with potentialities…

΅〜❁〜΅
Theoretical assumptions…
Phantoms of Nostalgia…
The quintessential question remains anonymous…
Silently demanding detours…

΅〜❁〜΅
December hints evocatively at New Year’s renewal…
Presumptive lugubrious thoughts…
Induce Thought’s labyrinth…
Ignoring ignorance…

΅〜❁〜΅
Dreams sustain impetuous assumption…
Answers lie cloaked in enigmatic disguise…
Leaving never-ending questions where the Shadows of Temerity roam…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅
This is the season yearning…
For illumination…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ     〜΅

Christina signature old script

Gorgeous photo by LadyUndone Deviantart ~

What of Love?

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

I’ve been away for a while…lost in a world of words….or trying to be in between life’s demands. All of this got me to thinking about my collection of words… how it is growing exponentially with each new author I experience. More than that…I realize that Phase One of my Reconstruction process was finding my voice…which I have done via words.

I suppose one would call this Phase Two…where I explore this new enigmatic and magical world where it is just I and words. Where I collect them like one would pick wild flowers in a field of luxurious splendor. That being said…I bring you my disclaimer which will officially initiate Phase Two of Reconstructing Christina… ~

photo journal

This is my Word Journal ~ Where I collect words, phrases, etc. Unceasingly adding to my repertoire.

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

I could write of any thing…
Of every thing…
Hopes, fears, emotions…all of it…

Staring at the blank screen I think of my experiences…my past, present, future…
All coalesce into a myriad of thoughts and feelings…

I think of books I’ve read…of the greatest, most-gifted authors who write prose as easily as you and I breathe…of the beloved characters they’ve created…
I think of friends…of family…
Their thoughts, feelings, emotions on experiences in their lives…

I realize I needn’t write merely of my own small inconsequential existence…

Quite the contrary…
There are no ambivalent…ubiquitous…limitations..
I can write of all things…any thought…any emotion…any experience…
Words transcend…transport…our souls to the familiar…simultaneously to the hitherto unknown…

And what of love?

Universally speaking we’ve all tasted it…felt it knock us off our feet…or at the very least we’ve dreamt of it…what it would feel like in Love’s embrace…enveloped by all the very varied vicissitudes of that holy grail of emotions…

Yes…I shall share with you…dear reader…all of my experience with each and every emotion…be it mine be it anonymous…or pure fiction… For in the end…we all experience all of life eventually…some things exquisitely unique…some universal..

     ΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

So, I would politely ask you to not equate my coming pieces referring to only myself…
Instead please think of my words as relating to us all…
In one form or another…

That is my wondrous challenge, given to myself by me..to write in such a manner so as to be relatable by all…
For we are inherently…at some level or another…all the same…
Uniquely similar…

~

Christina signature old script

Preponderance Of Maybe…

  ΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅    

autumn_melancholy_by_mi_eterna_primavera-d5lcanx

  ΅〜  ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      〜΅    

Maybe fills Uncertainty…

Wrapped in risk…

What if’s abound…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Machinations of love occupy thought…

Permeate senses….

Resonating reason leaving a trail of doubt…

Maybe prowls lurking…

Night’s shadow…

Unceasingly seeking the entrance to Heart’s fortress…

The path I fear to tread…

Caution in bold relief on Soul’s frieze…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Love…potential probabilities…risk…life…safety…reason…

Internal discourse…

Preponderance of maybe…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Left behind in the warmth of embrace…

Doubt dissipates…

Forgotten on the shores of Trust’s consistent building…

Daring me to walk on…

Pushing beyond that fear which I hide behind so well…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

One kiss…

Elucidation sets me free…

~

   ΅~ ೋ ♥ ೋ ~΅

 ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina~ ღೋ     〜΅