And now for something a little different…..

As some of you may or may not know….I am a geek. Purebred and proud of it. I love video games, everything sci-fi, and some other pretty random stuff for a “girl”. This has sparked many fun and interesting conversations with a few fellow bloggers. There is one I shall focus on today though as he is the source of so much laughter and fun I have to share.

I know my blog is usually pretty serious (aside from some awards posts) so I would now like to “come out of the geek closet” and share the quirkier side of me. If you know me in real life or have talked to me at all really in the blogoverse then you know that I am often very silly and love love love to laugh.

Hence my blog attraction to Chris9911. He’s hysterical. He cracks me up. Before you go and get all weird on me, knowing my story and all, he is happily married…for the record! 😀

That being said there was a recent…um….comment conversation we had about the movie Caddyshack which spawned a post of his here: http://chris9911.wordpress.com/2012/09/23/wanted-caddyshack-dvd-but-ended-up-with-a-lab-microscope-instead/ .  It’s a hysterical post about men….and I was in stitches reading it!! Especially since I feel partially guilty for helping him with his rash decision to buy the microscope.

So, Chris….the video below is for you and any avid gamer who has waited ever so anticipatiously for a game to come out….and then it does and you have it in your hand as you suspensefully open it ready for all the adventure it will bring….and I have to admit I did think of you, Chris, finally getting Caddyshack…LOL :p

Thank you to my eldest daughter, Jordan, and her boyfriend Max for this laugh today….I LOVE it!!

Undone…

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Procession of emotions…

Steady succession of thoughts, so rapid they are unfathomable…

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My mind begs surrender to illusion of peace.

Longing for tranquillity of thought creating serenity in my soul.

Momentary glimpses of how the scattered pieces will join together.

One by one a blurry picture of future is forged.

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The quest for answers takes me down the path of distraction…

Unexpected knowledge…

New pieces always adding to the potpourri of thought…

Mirage of the new world.

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Conflicted confusion invades serenity…

Discovered distraction surrounds me…where does it dwell?

More illusion or just a dream within a dream?

Did I unknowingly discover these new pieces?

Adding to the journey of solution…

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I close my eyes and ponder…

Trying to find answers…

They are not forthcoming…

Purposely hidden from me…

Faux reality…

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Surreal scenarios leave me aching for illumination…

Conflicted distraction my new companion.

The very lens through which I see myself.

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Tonight…

I am undone…

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copyright ©2012 Christina Brownlee

Emergence…

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She had a perfect life…

Love…passion…family…

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One day…

The world crushed her…

Sent so much agony…barraged…

She didn’t know how to go on…

Her children…

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She would wrap herself in a cocoon and brave this painful new world…

To spite incoming insidious cruelty…

She withstood the severest of storms…

Onslaught after onslaught…

Cocoon standing strong…

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One beautiful day she knew she was free from oppression….

She knew she had won…

This battle of her life…

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Now she begins the journey into this new unknown world…

First…she must break out of her cocoon…

Slow and steady…

Gently like the butterfly…

Strong… yet so very fragile…

It is not a quick process…

She is the only one who can break herself free…

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And like the butterfly…

If she doesn’t do it on her own…

She will not survive the new world…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

Paradox…

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Words string together in my mind like the rushing river….

Lost in the current of thought…

Gone too fast to contemplate…

Hope…excitement…longing…anticipation…

Distraction….

Delusion…

Disquiet….

Paradox…

Hope and Fear cannot live together…

So many words…

So many questions…

So many …too many…

Confusion….

Your sweet voice in my ears like a warm summer breeze…

Soothing…tempting…beckoning…

Delicious distraction…

A dream hidden in reality…

Another paradox…

Dissipating disquiet…

Breathe….just…breathe…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee ~

Kaleidoscope…

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What dreams may come….

I sit and ponder….

So many emotions flashing before me…inside me…

Sadness…fear….loss….confusion….disillusionment…

Kaleidoscope…

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Building a new dream…

What will it look like?

It is intangible…elusive…vague…

I sense it there nonetheless….

Beckoning to me…

Whispering my name….

Speaking to my heart…

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Come to me…

Every step you take brings you closer to me…

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I cannot find you…

I cannot see you…

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I cannot reveal myself….yet…

Hope it says softly….

Dream again…

It will all be so very beautiful…

Just wait…

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Impatient…I beg…

Please…please…tell me…

Just one hint…a glimmer…

A direction…

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Not yet…you must wait…have faith…

Keep dreaming…

Keep hoping…

Keep going…

One new step after another…

Soon you will find you are here…

You will know what dream has come…

~*~

Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

One…

 One step…

One word…

One inspiration…

One blog…

One quote…

One poem….

One post….

One compliment…

One encouragement…

One more step…

One more realization…

One more action….

Bringing me closer…

One more piece…

One hope…

An entire dream being built …

By adding one…

Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

The Power of Words…

“But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think.”
~ George Gordon Byron ~ 

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  Words…
Arranged just so…
Have incredible power…
To lift up…
To elicit joy…
To bring good news or bad…
To tear down walls or build them…
To heal or to hurt…
To empower or discourage…
To create love or hate…
Build trust or break it…
Words can change a persons life forever…one way or another…
Be oh so very careful with them…
They are fragile like glass and can shatter…destroy…
They can rebuild…rejoice…
Please…choose your words wisely…
Once said or written…can last forever…

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Copyright ©2012 Christina Brownlee

A Plethora of Love (Awards)

I am truly honored…to have received five incredible awards from four incredible friends with amazing blogs themselves! I am behind a bit on these and for that I apologize. I received the One Lovely Blog Award and the Thanks for Writing Award from Mondrak at http://kattermonran.com/ . The Very Inspiring Blogger Award from Kay Lynte’ at http://thinkingiswrite.wordpress.com/ . The Sunshine Award from danbalva at http://hurdlestohappiness.wordpress.com/ . And last but most certainly not least – the Reader Appreciation Award from Neil at http://ngtolentino.wordpress.com/.

I thought it would be nice to focus on something bright for this post. I have changed my Gravatar, the reasons why and more on that in a bit. I am just so very thankful for all of you. This has become my sanctuary for healing, hope, encouragement, laughter, shared journeys, and inspiration. I love how incredibly unique everyone is and how that gets expressed through each of your blogs. It is just truly awesome in every sense of the word!

This past weekend a lot of my life was laid bare and all of your response was so much more than I ever would have imagined. The love and care, concern, and genuine support was so overwhelmingly wonderous I’m still awed by it. One confession before I talk about the awards….I haven’t cried this much in a long long long time. What happens when I cry that much? Migraine lol. It’s okay…it was so worth it!!

Each of these awards is like a big hug…blog love….from all of you!

Things are still topsy-turvy and each day brings new challenges….and new rewards! I believe I am finally on the path to the future….with no one dragging me back to the past or ready to rip the rug out from under us when we least expect it. My children are all doing so much better, sleeping through the night…mostly… and well you all know about my mom! 🙂

So, as you can see…there is lots of love (awards) going on here…in an effort to not overwhelm myself I’ve decided to not decide! There are so very many amazingly fantasic friends…those who have been with me from the beginning and those who’ve joined my journey along the way….and those who have just found me. You all have brightened my darkest days and made me feel so very welcome here.

So, what I would very much like to do is ask you, each of you, to chose one you don’t have –one you would like–or even one (or more) you would like to share with some of your amazingly fantastic friends! I so want to share these awards (love) with all the amazing people who have really truly made my life so much brighter! And hopefully make yours brighter in return. If I could chose I would give each of you ALL of these awards. So please, please make yourself at home and grab one…or more!!

Also, Please grab — if you like, as always no pressure — the IBeLOnG award….it just signifies community and likeminded people who care for one another. No rules, no pressure. Just a beautiful statement about this incrdible wonderous community that is what it is because of each unique person that is part of the whole. Thank you for understanding and a most special thank you to those who thought of me for these awards. They are so very special to me.

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~7 Things About me ~

1) You’ve seen a current picture of me – I’ve changed my Gravatar to a picture that is better suited to the new me.

2) I’m downright GIDDY at the thought of my ex-in-laws moving to another state.

Thinking of planning a party to celebrate my new freedom from them.

3) I’ve become addicted to blogging & interacting with my cherished new friends here.

4) I’ve written poetry for the first time here recently…It is my hope to become even braver and expand my writing.

5) Despite my shattered past, I’m actually quite feisty, quirky, and love love love to laugh.

6) I could have entire conversations with lines from movies…or in song lyrics.

7) Two words –I’m ready” to take on life again. No holds barred.

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I would love if it if you choose to share the 7 things about you because I think we all find that truly fascinating! 🙂

Again my sincerest gratitude to you all for being such a bright light in a very dark place…for helping me rediscover myself and for helping me to be braver than I thought I could be for me. I have been strong for my family, but not for me. Thank you so very very much!

Something Wonderful Is Coming….

Okay, so I stole that line from a movie…if you know which one then I know how old you are! 😀  Seriously, I have been working on something that isn’t quite ready yet…I’m hoping to have it finished and ready to post tomorrow.

I really wanted to thank you all for your love and concern from my mom’s (Penny’s) followers and mine who have gone so far above and beyond in showing love and support that I am so wonderously overwhelmed! I wanted to give back a little something…I know it couldn’t possibly compare to what you’ve given me, but it is a small token to show my extreme gratitude.

It was important for me to throw this little post in here because of the…heaviness of the my last post and the one Penny (mom) wrote. It was a beautiful experience for both of us to get it out (well not all of it, but enough) and in doing so we are able to let it go. THE most important thing now is moving on for each of us and for the children.

Sure, we’ll have our bad days…but I certainly don’t want to LIVE there!!! I know in my heart of hearts that Duane would not want us sad…he would want us to embrace all that life has to offer and enjoy every moment of it! Okay so he’d probably want me to wakeboard too, but that’s on next summer’s list…maybe lol :p

So, please take this sincere graditude and know that you, each of you, have given an incredible gift to each of us.

You are all amazing, keep being unique, keep being you….and we’ll/I’ll keep reading and being inspired by you.

Hugs and Love,

Christina ~

Sweet Escape…

“Without music, life would be a mistake”

~ Nietzsche ~

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It defies description…

All the while longing for one…

Desperately…

Words fail me…

It is perfection…

My sweet escape with you…

So much laughter, happiness, joy…

Bundled in perfect moments…

Unforgettable…

I never thought it would mean so much to me…

To experience so much through something so simple…

It is seductively surreal…

Utterly unusual…

Sublimely addictive…

How do I describe the indescribable?

This, best friend, is the only way I know how…

Two words…

Sweet escape…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee