“Forget what hurt you, but never what it taught you.”
He was your puppet….
Looking always for your approval…
Never feeling like he got it—ever.
You polluted him…manipulated him…
Now he’s gone and you turned to me…to us…
I won’t play that game.
I am strong and I cut all the tendrils you had wrapped around us.
What do you see when you look at me?
Do you think I’m not trying my best?
Am I not living up to the insanely impossible expectations you think I should be?
Do you have even the smallest clue that I am going so far above what any one person
should be able to do that I even surprise myself?
No…you don’t
You want to know why I am the way I am…
You want to know why I’m distant….
Why I’m angry, even after I told you…
You never heard me…like I’m invisible and my words were never ever ever heard or acknowledged in any way…
You want to know why I’m not doing more and more and more and more…
Who do you think you are?
Were you there when we needed you?
No…you weren’t…
Were you there even offering to help?
No…you weren’t…
Were you supportive, encouraging, or at least trying show the slightest bit of sympathy for anyone besides you?
No…you weren’t…
I know better now…
I can handle your selfishness hidden by judgment.
I can handle your chosen ignorance.
I’m a grown up…I’ve been through and done more than you will ever know or conceive to know…
Even if you tried to understand…
Which you don’t…
You would rather hand out advice, judgment, criticism, and try to manipulate innocent little children.
The sad part is you don’t even realize what you’re doing…
You are so focused on you that you can’t see me,
You can’t see us and our grief, our struggles, our stress (at your doing), our problems,
our loss, our triumphs, our overcoming, our doing better and better without you.
You said no but God said Yes.
The final tendril is cut and you no longer can control or manipulate us.
You are not in control of us anymore…
I…we are stronger, wiser, better, happier without you and your unrealistic expectations.
If that upsets you…you only have yourself to blame.
Take the standards you set for me and apply them to yourself…see how well you do.
I have survived these past two years, I have survived the numerous cruel actions and words
you have excused away again and again and again and again.
I’m so very tired of your excuses…
Nothing can justify your actions. Nothing…
I am stronger now…
What do you see when you look at me?
It doesn’t matter…
Because I don’t care.
∼ Reconstructing Christina ∼ 