Love

A Plethora of Love (Awards)

I am truly honored…to have received five incredible awards from four incredible friends with amazing blogs themselves! I am behind a bit on these and for that I apologize. I received the One Lovely Blog Award and the Thanks for Writing Award from Mondrak at http://kattermonran.com/ . The Very Inspiring Blogger Award from Kay Lynte’ at http://thinkingiswrite.wordpress.com/ . The Sunshine Award from danbalva at http://hurdlestohappiness.wordpress.com/ . And last but most certainly not least – the Reader Appreciation Award from Neil at http://ngtolentino.wordpress.com/.

I thought it would be nice to focus on something bright for this post. I have changed my Gravatar, the reasons why and more on that in a bit. I am just so very thankful for all of you. This has become my sanctuary for healing, hope, encouragement, laughter, shared journeys, and inspiration. I love how incredibly unique everyone is and how that gets expressed through each of your blogs. It is just truly awesome in every sense of the word!

This past weekend a lot of my life was laid bare and all of your response was so much more than I ever would have imagined. The love and care, concern, and genuine support was so overwhelmingly wonderous I’m still awed by it. One confession before I talk about the awards….I haven’t cried this much in a long long long time. What happens when I cry that much? Migraine lol. It’s okay…it was so worth it!!

Each of these awards is like a big hug…blog love….from all of you!

Things are still topsy-turvy and each day brings new challenges….and new rewards! I believe I am finally on the path to the future….with no one dragging me back to the past or ready to rip the rug out from under us when we least expect it. My children are all doing so much better, sleeping through the night…mostly… and well you all know about my mom! 🙂

So, as you can see…there is lots of love (awards) going on here…in an effort to not overwhelm myself I’ve decided to not decide! There are so very many amazingly fantasic friends…those who have been with me from the beginning and those who’ve joined my journey along the way….and those who have just found me. You all have brightened my darkest days and made me feel so very welcome here.

So, what I would very much like to do is ask you, each of you, to chose one you don’t have –one you would like–or even one (or more) you would like to share with some of your amazingly fantastic friends! I so want to share these awards (love) with all the amazing people who have really truly made my life so much brighter! And hopefully make yours brighter in return. If I could chose I would give each of you ALL of these awards. So please, please make yourself at home and grab one…or more!!

Also, Please grab — if you like, as always no pressure — the IBeLOnG award….it just signifies community and likeminded people who care for one another. No rules, no pressure. Just a beautiful statement about this incrdible wonderous community that is what it is because of each unique person that is part of the whole. Thank you for understanding and a most special thank you to those who thought of me for these awards. They are so very special to me.

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~7 Things About me ~

1) You’ve seen a current picture of me – I’ve changed my Gravatar to a picture that is better suited to the new me.

2) I’m downright GIDDY at the thought of my ex-in-laws moving to another state.

Thinking of planning a party to celebrate my new freedom from them.

3) I’ve become addicted to blogging & interacting with my cherished new friends here.

4) I’ve written poetry for the first time here recently…It is my hope to become even braver and expand my writing.

5) Despite my shattered past, I’m actually quite feisty, quirky, and love love love to laugh.

6) I could have entire conversations with lines from movies…or in song lyrics.

7) Two words – “I’m ready” to take on life again. No holds barred.

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I would love if it if you choose to share the 7 things about you because I think we all find that truly fascinating! 🙂

Again my sincerest gratitude to you all for being such a bright light in a very dark place…for helping me rediscover myself and for helping me to be braver than I thought I could be for me. I have been strong for my family, but not for me. Thank you so very very much!

Something Wonderful Is Coming….

Okay, so I stole that line from a movie…if you know which one then I know how old you are! 😀  Seriously, I have been working on something that isn’t quite ready yet…I’m hoping to have it finished and ready to post tomorrow.

I really wanted to thank you all for your love and concern from my mom’s (Penny’s) followers and mine who have gone so far above and beyond in showing love and support that I am so wonderously overwhelmed! I wanted to give back a little something…I know it couldn’t possibly compare to what you’ve given me, but it is a small token to show my extreme gratitude.

It was important for me to throw this little post in here because of the…heaviness of the my last post and the one Penny (mom) wrote. It was a beautiful experience for both of us to get it out (well not all of it, but enough) and in doing so we are able to let it go. THE most important thing now is moving on for each of us and for the children.

Sure, we’ll have our bad days…but I certainly don’t want to LIVE there!!! I know in my heart of hearts that Duane would not want us sad…he would want us to embrace all that life has to offer and enjoy every moment of it! Okay so he’d probably want me to wakeboard too, but that’s on next summer’s list…maybe lol :p

So, please take this sincere graditude and know that you, each of you, have given an incredible gift to each of us.

You are all amazing, keep being unique, keep being you….and we’ll/I’ll keep reading and being inspired by you.

Hugs and Love,

Christina ~

Unconditional Love…

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother”

~Abraham Lincoln ~

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Unconditional love…

Never ending support…

Patience to endure…

Healing hugs…

A balm to my soul…

Ceaseless words of encouragement…

A legacy of steadfastness, love, wisdom,

soothing words, gentle nature…

Commitment to withstand the severest storms of life…

Strength to protect beyond comprehension…

My best friend…

Believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself…

Never a doubt…

Always selfless… All ways there….

One word…

Mom…

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It’s time to introduce the most influential and incredible woman in my life…my mom. Penny…thewhyaboutthis.com . She is my hero and my biggest supporter throughout my whole life, and even through the pitch black valley myself and my children have been through for the last two years. She stood witness, she cried with us, she fought with us…she was/is always an incredible source of inspiration and comfort when we need(ed) it most.

We each started our own blogs for different reasons…it was never intentional to keep our relationship from our precious new friends here. We never dreamed we’d be able to meet and cherish so many so fast. For reasons which will soon be made clear…I wanted to share with you all, newest friends and those who have been with me when I was only brave enough to post a famous quote…then a quote with a picture….then writing poetry (prose)…which I never dreamed I would be able to do…at all!

This has been an incredible adventure…becoming connected with bloggers around the world. Your outpouring of love, concern, and support has filled my heart, made me cry tears of joy, and inspired me beyond what I ever dreamed could be possible.

Mom (Penny) and I decided it was time to share this information because she has a done a few posts about each of my children and now one of my journey through the unimaginable torture of the last two years. Not just grief, but what was intentionally inflicted on top of that grief.

Please visit www.thewhyaboutthis.com and read today’s post “and then she waited…” if you are interested in my story. As a gracious loving mom and grandmother…she has shown me the true meaning of unconditional love…my whole life…but even more so during the last two years. If I am half the mom to my children that she is/has been to me…then I am blessed with the greatest of gifts.

I love you mom…wouldn’t have made it this far without you!

Thank you for always being you, always being there, and for not running away at the repeated insanity thrown at us…

Your most grateful daughter,

Christina ~

Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

Precious Gifts…

August 6, 2012 I published a post called “You Said…” It was a poem of my life (in brief) with my now deceased husband, Duane,  ( May 2010 ) and hopefully portrayed a peek at true, enduring, inexplicable love.  That’s what I hoped to share.  All the places I say “You said…..” he really did say those things.

It was a huge leap for me…a scary one, to put so much out there.  Myself and my children have been through too much these past two years and now are finally getting some peace, so I guess it’s all coming out here on my blog.

I am overwhelmed with the loving heart touching comments (and one very very amazing email from a sweet blogger friend) I received from so many of you. Seriously, some of them made me cry. It was just honest care and love being shared with words…and I felt them all.  Thank you…all of you.  I am so very appreciative to be part of something so incredible, to have you each in my life now as I begin anew.

It gets better…I received a request from Seadog to reblog the “You Said…” post. He was touched and wanted to share it. Thank you Seadog…I am truly honored.

When I checked my blog this morning there was another gift there for me…one that took my breath away and made me cry…happy and sad tears at the same time.

A most cherished friend ( Prashant ) had written a poem. I know there are things inexplicable in our world…and what would motivate him to write this…I’m not sure. But he did, and he shared it with me and it is so very beautiful.  It personifies Duane and the love we shared.

I asked Prashant if I could share it here, too precious to be tucked away in comments. He said it was mine…so again I will thank him for being open, honest, loving, empathetic and what Duane would love most….a husband who cherishes and loves his wife and children.  Thank you Prashant…you are a gift friend!

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There was a thing I had to tell you

since you knew my soul through your eyes.

In the moment of serenity so longed for,

closer to you, my mortal worth lies.

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Piousness in the love I had

fuelled my will to be a better man.

To carry your graceful charm, beautiful,

I tried my best – as best as a lover can.

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Somewhere, HE just felt so different

or, perhaps, jealous of me being with you.

He never told me to complete my song,

holier than his prayers – so complete and true.

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Now, when I see you from here

I feel stronger and so absolutely fond.

I know, in your heart, I am still alive.

As you smile with courage and beyond.

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You Said…

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

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You said I was beautiful…

You made me feel like a goddess…

You said you loved me…

And proved it at every opportunity…

You said we were a perfect fit…

Like puzzle pieces…

You said if any one made me cry you’d make them cry…

And you did…

You said I was perfect…

When I didn’t feel remotely pretty…

We sang… We danced… We loved…

So passionately…completely…breathtakingly fantastic…

We were two pieces who became one whole…

You said you wanted to grow old with me…

You didn’t…

You left me…

You said you couldn’t guarantee to love me for the rest of my life

but you would love me for the rest of yours….

And you did…

Like a magnificent opus…

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Each piece actually has “I Love You” written on it…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

River of Words…

“It is such a secret place, the land of tears.” 

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince ~

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Suppressed temptation…

Longing…anticipatiously…

Dream of loves sweet embrace…

Yet again…slowly rushing…

Peace, joy, happiness…

Sublime impatience…

Remember…No…don’t remember…

Create new pieces…a new journey to adventure…

Excitement…

All that I was is added to all I will become…

The path I fear to tread…

Fear, pain, agony…new pieces…

Now I know…

Now I can add those to the past puzzle…

Tears falling…

Creating the new river…

Ready to be swept away…

Letting go…

My sadness makes you immortal…

Reflections in my eyes of who I was…

Morphing into….

Who I will become…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

Success…

“To laugh often and much;

to win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;

to leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,

or redeemed social condition;

to know even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

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I have been so deeply moved the past few days by reading other blogs and posts that some might find sad or melancholy…to me I found myself. I found a connection to others in that deep dark place that only people who have had or are going through tragedy can truly relate to. No one can know…each is a unique story.

Perhaps it isn’t just that they’re are going through or have gone through tragedy but are in touch with it nonetheless. The truth of it is…it is success to me. If you can write words and arrange them in such a manner as to evoke a feeling, good, bad, sad, or otherwise then you have made a connection with someone…with any one who reads your words.

We each are unique and have our own story to tell. And we each have our own way to tell it…poems, photographs, quotes, funny stories or whimsical ones that make you smile or laugh…or be sad and cry…or really think about how a particular piece means to you…it becomes part of you now.

They each serve their purpose…our blog is our home. Our own little piece of this internet cosmos and it moves in ever widening, ever increasing, circles of friends and connections to others…some we are blessed to interact with, some we never hear about but could have made all the difference in the world for without ever knowing. It is important…vital, to write or show through photographs what we see, feel, and think…regardless of the emotional response.

We are all healing, rediscovering, sharing, connecting…

                     and because each voice is unique and touches others then we are by the definition above…Successful.

Christina ~