And She Rambles…Randomly…


words rose

΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅

╰⊰✿  I had a process. A writing process. The words I would take in from everything around me…books, songs, the interwebs, a conversation…they would join and rejoin and then form into something I crafted, shaped, molded into a poem….my version of a poem. I never really did think of my poems as traditional. More prose-like. More unique, or so I tried. Yet…they always felt lacking to me in some way. Although, you guys…you beautiful souls would comment and say the most unfathomably wondrous things to me. I would breathe a sigh of relief as though I had been holding my breath until reading your feedback. It was absolutely glorious. Addictive.

During my hiatus I’ve been reading, as mentioned in the last post, but I’ve also been watching, learning…becoming thirstier for even more knowledge…other writers. Writers I admire. Some are famous in the traditional ‘household name’ sort of way, and some maybe you’ve never heard of. Maybe you have. I’ll gladly share if you ask, but this is about me learning what they do. How they do it. How they consistently write their books. How they stay so very focused. How they manage to juggle the online distractions of Facebook Pages, Twitter, Google+, Instagram. How they manage to create their art and yet stay in touch, grow their connections, day in and day out. I’ve learned so much, just enough to make me dare to think I might be able to emulate them, in their commitment…their diligence to their passion to create and stay connected.

I’ve experimented. I’ve been making amazing friends via my Facebook Page which is over there to your right (bottom if you’re on your phone) and also on Twitter. Instagram is a new excursion for me and one I’m not fully versed in yet, but I am trying. I’m putting it all out there. My kids, my crazy chaotic life. Mostly though, I’m trying to understand how to connect and create. I’ve not written anything longer than a Facebook Post or Tweet in the months I’ve been away, well…maybe an email counts as writing. If so, then I suppose I have written.

IMG_19918066605765I have also, now that I’m thinking about it, written a few ‘stream of conscious’ book reviews on Goodreads. I call them such because they were just like this post. Me just typing my thoughts as they come to mind…that’s it. I don’t know if they’re any good, that wasn’t my intention when writing them. They were just my thoughts and feelings on them when I finished reading. I’ve not reread them, knowing me…I’d attempt to rewrite them. I’m learning it’s okay to just write and then let it go. Exactly my hopes for this post.

A few of the aforementioned books have touched me so very deeply I cannot, even in this overly long post, express their impact on my entire way of thinking…of myself, of my life, of my overwhelming desire to write, of my connections with each of you. I feel as though the years of conditioning that life has put me through has fallen away, so to speak, and left me free to recreate…reconstruct myself, yet again. An absolute metamorphosis.

I would very much like to continue to be so free thinking with what I share with you. I would like to share what I’m learning, what I desire to learn, what I’m reading, what I long to read, what I’m thinking, and so very much more. I imagine it will be different for you as well as for me and may take some getting used to. However, through this I very much hope and wish you gain a better insight into my world….and I in yours….

Until next time…~ ✿⊱╮


΅〜  ೋ ♥ ೋ 〜΅

     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Reconstruction Redux… ~

΅〜  ೋ  ೋ 〜΅

You know how you want to do something…need to do something but then life inundates you with its demands, it’s distractions.

You think…I’ll post soon….

‘The words will come, I’ll write something great! Well… I’ll give it my best.’

Then you don’t.

Days turn into weeks, weeks to months, months pass one after the other…soon it’s been four months.

Now you think…

‘What will I say?’ or ‘How do I share the malaise, the doubt, the perfectionist tendency to not post anything until black and white writingI have something truly remarkable to share. Something potentially erudite. Something close to achieving the unending goal of turning emotions, feelings, into words.’

How do I share those many months and their transformational effect on me, my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and my writing? How that amalgamation will in turn change what I share with you all. How I plan to write more than poetry. How I felt almost trapped into thinking that I needed to somehow only express myself via poems.

How do I share that now I know me better? Now, I’ve entered a new and hopefully even more exciting phase in my reconstruction. How change can be so frightening…how my fear of what you would think of said changes affected my doing so sooner.

How do I share my remorse and guilt for being away so long without a word to each of you to say ‘hey, I’m alright…just coping with life, sometimes drowning, but feeling stronger each time I realize…I can let go and float until my strength returns…until I can swim again.

2015-02-05 19.43.52How do I share that these many months away I’ve read the most incredible books. Books that have helped me grow as a person, a woman, a writer. Books that have shown me it’s okay to be me. That I don’t have to hide behind this self-created façade. That I can just be…real. Transparent.

This is where my reconstruction began. This is where my reconstruction continues to change as I do. Where I grow ever more in love with words, with books, with reading, with sharing, with each of you in that loving family non-creepy way.

I’m here now… ~  Let this journey begin anew…I’ll start with wishes for a deliriously magical year for each of you along with my hopes to see you soon at your place, I’ve so very much to catch up on!


΅〜  ೋ  ೋ 〜΅

     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅