Reconstruction Redux… ~

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You know how you want to do something…need to do something but then life inundates you with its demands, it’s distractions.

You think…I’ll post soon….

‘The words will come, I’ll write something great! Well… I’ll give it my best.’

Then you don’t.

Days turn into weeks, weeks to months, months pass one after the other…soon it’s been four months.

Now you think…

‘What will I say?’ or ‘How do I share the malaise, the doubt, the perfectionist tendency to not post anything until black and white writingI have something truly remarkable to share. Something potentially erudite. Something close to achieving the unending goal of turning emotions, feelings, into words.’

How do I share those many months and their transformational effect on me, my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and my writing? How that amalgamation will in turn change what I share with you all. How I plan to write more than poetry. How I felt almost trapped into thinking that I needed to somehow only express myself via poems.

How do I share that now I know me better? Now, I’ve entered a new and hopefully even more exciting phase in my reconstruction. How change can be so frightening…how my fear of what you would think of said changes affected my doing so sooner.

How do I share my remorse and guilt for being away so long without a word to each of you to say ‘hey, I’m alright…just coping with life, sometimes drowning, but feeling stronger each time I realize…I can let go and float until my strength returns…until I can swim again.

2015-02-05 19.43.52How do I share that these many months away I’ve read the most incredible books. Books that have helped me grow as a person, a woman, a writer. Books that have shown me it’s okay to be me. That I don’t have to hide behind this self-created façade. That I can just be…real. Transparent.

This is where my reconstruction began. This is where my reconstruction continues to change as I do. Where I grow ever more in love with words, with books, with reading, with sharing, with each of you in that loving family non-creepy way.

I’m here now… ~  Let this journey begin anew…I’ll start with wishes for a deliriously magical year for each of you along with my hopes to see you soon at your place, I’ve so very much to catch up on!

~

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     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

24 thoughts on “Reconstruction Redux… ~

  1. Welcome back on your reconstructive journey. … have I missed you ? Yes…. am I pleased to see you back? Yes…. Why? Cause one wonders if health or such is what is causing the absence. … now we know it wasn’t we can look forward to future posts. .. Welcome back….

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    • Thank you ever so very very much Bulldog!! I have missed you sweet sweet friend!! I am so sorry for my overly long absence. Forgive me? *insert convincing smile* ~ I hope to put your mind at ease by sharing that if, God forbid, something did happen health or otherwise…I now have in place ways to let my beloved friends here know, soonest.

      Thank you so very much for your words, for your welcoming me back. I am sending the biggest hugs and shall endeavor to write so much so often you become absolutely sick of me 😉 ~

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  2. Perhaps spending so much time away from the blog is precisely what you needed to allow you to examine and learn. You could see this as a long hiatus but I prefer to see it as a dramatic pause that signals the next chapter in your reconstruction.

    You ask many times ‘how do I share’, well you already are. Write, write, write, let your enthusiasm for the books you have read shine through, tell us of your emotions and thoughts. What keeps us coming back is the uniqueness of your voice and thoughts.

    The malaise that affects after not posting is horrible and happens to us all, it always feels better after posting, so now that you have returned to us I would encourage more posts and I think perfectionist tendencies to get in the way a bit sometimes. If we all adhered to that rule WordPress would probably be inhabited by some tumbleweed and a sad wind!

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    • Dramatic pause, I like that…though I do feel terribly unfashionably late. It was most definitely a time to learn more about myself which I will do my utmost to transform into words…

      You are wonderful to be so encouraging and supportive for what I feel was most certainly too long a time away. I do very much love your ideas and shall add them to ones I hope to share here soonest, re: books and thoughts…and perhaps some other writing I’ve not braved to share here…yet….

      ‘Uniqueness of voice’…oh I do like that!! Thank you so much for your generous thoughts, you are proper awesome and correct as well, I feel much much better for having posted! In fact, I am already looking forward to the next with, of course, visits to all whom I have missed immensely!! ~ “Tumbleweed and sad wind” lol, I agree with you…and am so very glad that it is a rare phenomenon. I hope this weekend finds you chipper and smiling for that is always the bestest combination…

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    • Thank you so very much Celestine!! It feel so wonderful to be back…like coming home! And so happy, so full of gratitude, to see you…to see all my cherished friends!

      Happy New Year to you sweet sweet friend!! I hope you are doing so very well and that this weekend is full of joy and every good and wonderful thing for you! *hugs* 🙂 ~

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  3. Yay ! A Christina sighting ! I’ve been patiently waiting on your blog doorstep *tapping fingers on post*. Finally you have appeared my friend, refreshed and renewed. I wonder what magic you have in store for us Christina ? xox ❤

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    • Ah, my good sir!! You are beyond wonderful to have waited so very patiently! I hope to bring my newly found rejuvenation here to share with everyone (you most but don’t tell!). Magic….oh I hope it is (so so much), it always makes me proper happy to imagine you thinking me capable of magic 😀 !! You always give me the biggest smiles!! xox ❤ ~

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  4. Welcome back. Excellent to see your new post and new reflections. I, for one, look forward with much anticipation to your next posts, Christina. Part of what creates magic in our lives are beautiful words, something at which you excel! 🙂 xx

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    • Thank you so so very much!! You are incredibly amazing to be so encouraging and to gift me with such wondrous, definitely cherished, praise! It is a an indescribable feeling to be back here with each of you….fabulously indescribable! 😀 xx *huge hugs* ~

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    • Thank you so so much Rosy!! Cheers and Cheers again to sweet sweet you!! #NewBeginnings #HugeHugs #Blessings #AwesomazingYOU #LoveLoveLove #BigSmiles #XOXO and sending tons of sunshine your way!! ❤ !

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  5. I am thrilled to see you posting again Christina. Rest assured that we all welcome you back with open arms. There is no one who can express themselves in such an eloquent, unique way as you. Looking forward to your future posts. 🙂

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    • Thank you so very very much LuAnn, it feels absolutely amazing to be back! I have missed you so very much dear friend, your encouragement truly does help me feel I could do just about anything! Such is the power of your words to me. I appreciate you so very much and am so so glad to be here with you once again!! Sending all my love and tons of hugs and smiles to you ❤❤❤ xoxo !! ~

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  6. Welcome back my sweet friend! Alas! I am so glad to hear you are on the journey to positivity. A reading vacation is just what the doctor ordered! I so look forward to your sharing your newly acquired discoveries and wisdoms. It’s wonderful to see that no matter how long you’ve been gone, your readers are right back here! Peace and love to you my friend. ❤

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    • Let me start with huge huge hugs for you my sweet sweet friend!! I am back and feel as though it has been forever and at least 4 days more than that! I love that…a reading vacation. I suppose it definitely was that indeed! I am feeling good, living in each moment is my new philosophy and it’s been…so so wondrous! You are just super awesome sweet for your welcome back and encouragement! I do so hope to share more soonest, since I’ve really sort of opened up my writing to encompass anything and everything 😉 . It is a cherished blessing that you and my other friends (family) are so wonderfully forgiving of my long absence…most sincerely cherished!! Sending so so much love and light and every good thing to you sweetest friend! ❤ xo !!

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  7. I was talking to a friend about your blog, and mentioning the wonderful words you use. I was looking through your posts and found I hadn’t clicked like on this one. I think it is because it was when I was on my sabbatical from blogging.

    I am glad you are back now. Two years on, and it is a pleasure to read your wonderful words again my friend.

    Here’s raising a glass for you as well 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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