Unconditional Love…

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother”

~Abraham Lincoln ~

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Unconditional love…

Never ending support…

Patience to endure…

Healing hugs…

A balm to my soul…

Ceaseless words of encouragement…

A legacy of steadfastness, love, wisdom,

soothing words, gentle nature…

Commitment to withstand the severest storms of life…

Strength to protect beyond comprehension…

My best friend…

Believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself…

Never a doubt…

Always selfless… All ways there….

One word…

Mom…

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It’s time to introduce the most influential and incredible woman in my life…my mom. Penny…thewhyaboutthis.com . She is my hero and my biggest supporter throughout my whole life, and even through the pitch black valley myself and my children have been through for the last two years. She stood witness, she cried with us, she fought with us…she was/is always an incredible source of inspiration and comfort when we need(ed) it most.

We each started our own blogs for different reasons…it was never intentional to keep our relationship from our precious new friends here. We never dreamed we’d be able to meet and cherish so many so fast. For reasons which will soon be made clear…I wanted to share with you all, newest friends and those who have been with me when I was only brave enough to post a famous quote…then a quote with a picture….then writing poetry (prose)…which I never dreamed I would be able to do…at all!

This has been an incredible adventure…becoming connected with bloggers around the world. Your outpouring of love, concern, and support has filled my heart, made me cry tears of joy, and inspired me beyond what I ever dreamed could be possible.

Mom (Penny) and I decided it was time to share this information because she has a done a few posts about each of my children and now one of my journey through the unimaginable torture of the last two years. Not just grief, but what was intentionally inflicted on top of that grief.

Please visit www.thewhyaboutthis.com and read today’s post “and then she waited…” if you are interested in my story. As a gracious loving mom and grandmother…she has shown me the true meaning of unconditional love…my whole life…but even more so during the last two years. If I am half the mom to my children that she is/has been to me…then I am blessed with the greatest of gifts.

I love you mom…wouldn’t have made it this far without you!

Thank you for always being you, always being there, and for not running away at the repeated insanity thrown at us…

Your most grateful daughter,

Christina ~

Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

Precious Gifts…

August 6, 2012 I published a post called “You Said…” It was a poem of my life (in brief) with my now deceased husband, Duane,  ( May 2010 ) and hopefully portrayed a peek at true, enduring, inexplicable love.  That’s what I hoped to share.  All the places I say “You said…..” he really did say those things.

It was a huge leap for me…a scary one, to put so much out there.  Myself and my children have been through too much these past two years and now are finally getting some peace, so I guess it’s all coming out here on my blog.

I am overwhelmed with the loving heart touching comments (and one very very amazing email from a sweet blogger friend) I received from so many of you. Seriously, some of them made me cry. It was just honest care and love being shared with words…and I felt them all.  Thank you…all of you.  I am so very appreciative to be part of something so incredible, to have you each in my life now as I begin anew.

It gets better…I received a request from Seadog to reblog the “You Said…” post. He was touched and wanted to share it. Thank you Seadog…I am truly honored.

When I checked my blog this morning there was another gift there for me…one that took my breath away and made me cry…happy and sad tears at the same time.

A most cherished friend ( Prashant ) had written a poem. I know there are things inexplicable in our world…and what would motivate him to write this…I’m not sure. But he did, and he shared it with me and it is so very beautiful.  It personifies Duane and the love we shared.

I asked Prashant if I could share it here, too precious to be tucked away in comments. He said it was mine…so again I will thank him for being open, honest, loving, empathetic and what Duane would love most….a husband who cherishes and loves his wife and children.  Thank you Prashant…you are a gift friend!

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There was a thing I had to tell you

since you knew my soul through your eyes.

In the moment of serenity so longed for,

closer to you, my mortal worth lies.

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Piousness in the love I had

fuelled my will to be a better man.

To carry your graceful charm, beautiful,

I tried my best – as best as a lover can.

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Somewhere, HE just felt so different

or, perhaps, jealous of me being with you.

He never told me to complete my song,

holier than his prayers – so complete and true.

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Now, when I see you from here

I feel stronger and so absolutely fond.

I know, in your heart, I am still alive.

As you smile with courage and beyond.

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Mystique…

“Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion,

simultaneously the source of your greatest strength,

and your greatest weakness.”

~The Architect ~

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What is it that peeks out of the shadows of the future?

That shines a ray of light in a dark forgotten place…

A barren desert… A cold room…

So much sadness locked up tight…

Put in a box until a quieter time…

Some sneaks out and prowls around me…haunting…

Mocking memories of glorious times…

What is that ray of light breaking through the black of nightmare?

It’s been so long…

I almost don’t recognize it…

So close…seems so far…

It’s coaxing me…

Calling with a hint of promise of better days…

Brighter light…warmth…safety…

I can almost see it…

Mystique…

Masked illusion…

Coming into clarity…

Yes…I see it now…

Its name is….

Hope…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

You Said…

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

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You said I was beautiful…

You made me feel like a goddess…

You said you loved me…

And proved it at every opportunity…

You said we were a perfect fit…

Like puzzle pieces…

You said if any one made me cry you’d make them cry…

And you did…

You said I was perfect…

When I didn’t feel remotely pretty…

We sang… We danced… We loved…

So passionately…completely…breathtakingly fantastic…

We were two pieces who became one whole…

You said you wanted to grow old with me…

You didn’t…

You left me…

You said you couldn’t guarantee to love me for the rest of my life

but you would love me for the rest of yours….

And you did…

Like a magnificent opus…

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Each piece actually has “I Love You” written on it…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

Sweet Escape…

“Without music, life would be a mistake”

~ Nietzsche ~

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It defies description…

All the while longing for one…

Desperately…

Words fail me…

It is perfection…

My sweet escape with you…

So much laughter, happiness, joy…

Bundled in perfect moments…

Unforgettable…

I never thought it would mean so much to me…

To experience so much through something so simple…

It is seductively surreal…

Utterly unusual…

Sublimely addictive…

How do I describe the indescribable?

This, best friend, is the only way I know how…

Two words…

Sweet escape…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

River of Words…

“It is such a secret place, the land of tears.” 

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince ~

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Suppressed temptation…

Longing…anticipatiously…

Dream of loves sweet embrace…

Yet again…slowly rushing…

Peace, joy, happiness…

Sublime impatience…

Remember…No…don’t remember…

Create new pieces…a new journey to adventure…

Excitement…

All that I was is added to all I will become…

The path I fear to tread…

Fear, pain, agony…new pieces…

Now I know…

Now I can add those to the past puzzle…

Tears falling…

Creating the new river…

Ready to be swept away…

Letting go…

My sadness makes you immortal…

Reflections in my eyes of who I was…

Morphing into….

Who I will become…

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Copyright © 2012 Christina Brownlee

Tell me…

“Speak to me in riddles…

              Speak to me in rhymes…

                              Your words keep me alive…”

~ Sarah McLachlan ~

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Tell me your story…

The one etched in your heart…

The one that makes you hope, laugh, cry…

You can trust me…

I’m always here for you…

In all ways…

Tell me your dreams…

You’re secret desires…

The ones you hide..

Tell me you feel me…

Tell me you know me…

Show me it’s true…

Not a figment of my desirous imagination…

Tell me…

Because I’m someone like you…

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Copyright © 2012 by Christina Brownlee ~

Can you see…

“Where beams of imagination play,

The memory’s soft figures melt away.”

~Alexander Pope ~

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Can you see me?

Can you see all that’s happened…

All that’s changed me…

The metamorphosis…the struggle, fear, determination,

unbearable solitude…

Forced strength coming from a place even I didn’t know existed…

A million tears…

Ripped in half…

Smiling on the outside to cover so much…

too much…

Packed up..

Locked away…

Hidden on purpose from myself…

Can you see me?

The real me…

deep inside like you used to?

Ready to break out of this suffocating cocoon…

Ready to be free…to fly…

Can you see?

I’m almost there…

All that’s left is buried in me…

Can you see?

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Copyright © 2012 by Christina Brownlee ~