Reconstruction Redux… ~

΅〜  ೋ  ೋ 〜΅

You know how you want to do something…need to do something but then life inundates you with its demands, it’s distractions.

You think…I’ll post soon….

‘The words will come, I’ll write something great! Well… I’ll give it my best.’

Then you don’t.

Days turn into weeks, weeks to months, months pass one after the other…soon it’s been four months.

Now you think…

‘What will I say?’ or ‘How do I share the malaise, the doubt, the perfectionist tendency to not post anything until black and white writingI have something truly remarkable to share. Something potentially erudite. Something close to achieving the unending goal of turning emotions, feelings, into words.’

How do I share those many months and their transformational effect on me, my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and my writing? How that amalgamation will in turn change what I share with you all. How I plan to write more than poetry. How I felt almost trapped into thinking that I needed to somehow only express myself via poems.

How do I share that now I know me better? Now, I’ve entered a new and hopefully even more exciting phase in my reconstruction. How change can be so frightening…how my fear of what you would think of said changes affected my doing so sooner.

How do I share my remorse and guilt for being away so long without a word to each of you to say ‘hey, I’m alright…just coping with life, sometimes drowning, but feeling stronger each time I realize…I can let go and float until my strength returns…until I can swim again.

2015-02-05 19.43.52How do I share that these many months away I’ve read the most incredible books. Books that have helped me grow as a person, a woman, a writer. Books that have shown me it’s okay to be me. That I don’t have to hide behind this self-created façade. That I can just be…real. Transparent.

This is where my reconstruction began. This is where my reconstruction continues to change as I do. Where I grow ever more in love with words, with books, with reading, with sharing, with each of you in that loving family non-creepy way.

I’m here now… ~  Let this journey begin anew…I’ll start with wishes for a deliriously magical year for each of you along with my hopes to see you soon at your place, I’ve so very much to catch up on!

~

΅〜  ೋ  ೋ 〜΅

     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Diaphanous Dreamscape….

girl white rose

΅∼  ೋღღೋ      ∼΅

I look back trying to find illumination…
Seeking my inspiration…
Pivotal points of perception…
I search for my words…
They’ve left me in the desert of my reality…

΅∼ ∼΅ 

Transport me to my dreamscape…
Let me reside there…
Where words float around me like butterflies of serenity…
Whispering promises of peace…
A balm to soothe my soul…
My self expression…needing release…aching for it…

΅∼ ∼΅ 

I search the depths of my heart…
I see the tears…
The sadness…
The scars I choose to wear inside…
Remembrance of days gone…memories packed away…

΅∼ ∼΅ 

I see with hindsight a succession of happenings…
I see the struggle…
The very battle for my sanity ~ end with the discovery of my voice…
My words…
Each little nuance distinctively mine…

΅∼ ∼΅ 

I see pieces of me creating my sanctuary…
My oasis built from the words woven in my mind…
All ways there waiting for me….
A bouquet of thought…

΅∼ ∼΅ 

 This is my diaphanous dreamscape…
A reflection of me…
My creation…
Born from the ashes of my former life…
Now the foundation on which I rebuild….
~
~

΅〜  ೋ  ೋ 〜΅

     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Subliminal Madness…

subliminal madness 2

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅

It begins with a thought…

A revelation…

Usually bound in truth…

Then it propagates endless pieces of an unsolvable puzzle…

It worms its way through you…

Permeating Peace…

Replacing it with doubt…fear…

Insidious imaginings…

Every thought becomes tainted with it…

It increases exponentially…

Invasive…

Intruding every facet of your life…

Your dreams once made you strong…

Now they’ve become the manifestation of your subliminal madness…

Become waking confusion…

Conflict…

Psychological war…

Devastation…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅

A small ray of light shines through…

Amber sunrise…

You feel its warmth reach for you…

You watch it ascend wondering if its golden rays can reach you…

So far buried in your darkness…

It whispers…

Beckoning…

Inexorably…

~

~

΅〜 ೋღ  ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜΅

 

Iridescence…

iridesence by princehenebeng

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅    

She watches the cerulean twilight shimmer iridescence…

Thoughts swirl like butterflies in a dance of dreams…
Glitter inspiration…
Igniting illumination…
Kaleidoscope…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅

Lost in amongst these very thoughts….

She writes her soul…
Bared for all…
Illuminated…
Transparent…
Vulnerable visions lie cloaked in ephemeral euphoria…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅
Yes…
Here are her words…her voice…
Her essence…
Growing in Night’s elucidation…

~

΅〜 ೋღ  ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜

~

Image by princehenebeng

Captivated…

captivated longing_by_ily623-d5g4336

΅〜  ೋღ  ♥  ღೋ      〜΅

You look into me…
Me into you…
We meet there in the middle…
Captivated…

 ΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅    

Need drives its own insistent desire to inception…
Embraced in this perfect moment…
Held by the enigmatic nature of will…
Unable to look away…
Locked in place….
Locked in time…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅    

Don’t look away…
Keep me here as I memorize your soul with mine…
Let us stay suspended in wonder…
Before Reality’s ocean rips us apart…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅    

We are helpless in its wake…
Fate’s cruelty using us as pawns for pleasure…
Neither here nor there…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅    

Our moment permanently fixed in the stars for all time…
Love…without completion…without end…

΅〜 ೋღ ❁ ღೋ      〜΅    

Forever captivated…
~

΅〜 ೋღ  ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜

~

΅〜 ೋღ  ღೋ     〜΅

╰⊰ This poem is the last in a series of four originally posted back in January 2013. For more information please see this post which explains my bringing #ThrowbackThursday here to my blog. This series marked a pivotal transition in my writing which shortly thereafter became known as my “Dreamscape”.

It is has been so much fun to look back in time this past week with you. Many of you have been with me from the beginning of this journey, some have joined my journey along the way…

I wish to extend, again, my gratitude and voluminous appreciation for each and every one of you. Your encouragement and support has truly impacted my life in so many ways I cannot even express.

Thank you…ever so much! ⊱╮

~

Gorgeous photo by ily623 Deviantart

Let Me Be…

captivated far away

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅    

Cacophony…Noise….Disquiet….

It is too much…

All of it…

Let me be still…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅    

I want to think my quiet thoughts…

Surround sound of silence…

Let comfort be my pillow…

Tranquility my blanket….

΅〜 〜΅ 

If words were my ocean…

let me dip my toes in the pool of serenity….

let them swirl about soothing me…

whisper intrigue…

as they entwine to form expression of emotion…

A thought…a feeling…a wish…

Sublime superfluity…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅  

They encircle me…

Filling me with wonder at their joining…

Fascination at their power…

Passionate asseveration…crystalline purity…

Yes…please…

Let me be…

Just a little longer…

΅〜 〜΅  

For If I am very still…

They come to me…

dance for me…bring me tears…delight…placidity…

a quixotic smile at their unique denouement…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅    

Yes…please…

Let me be…

~

΅〜 ೋღ  ღೋ     〜΅

    ΅〜 ೋღ  Christina ~  ೋღ 〜

Sad Eyes….

 
 
imagesDO3WJDTE by KikuNoEn deviantart
 

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅

I look at you and I can see so deep inside…
Almost an invitation to come in and traverse your complexity….

΅〜 〜΅  

I see a brilliant artist….
A loving spirit….
A beautiful soul….
Burgeoning with love and adoration of life in all of its intricacies….
All of its resplendence…

΅〜 〜΅  

I see one who cherishes each moment…
One who feels pain intimately…
Who knows how destructive it could be if allowed to reign supreme….
I see you fight….beyond the daily battle…

΅〜 〜΅  

You create beauty….magical majesty….
Abstract in its completion….
Complex simplicity….
Sublime amalgamation of thought and emotion…
Of vision…
Of you….

΅〜 〜΅ 

I see you….
As we all are….
Who we could be…
Would that we possess your strength, your fortitude….

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ     〜΅

Tell me your story….
Let me hear your words….
Else I shall have to read you….
Through your sad eyes…

΅〜 ೋღ ღೋ      〜΅

       ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

~

Gorgeous photo by KikuNoEn