In A Moment…

  ΅∼ ೋღ  ღೋ      ∼΅

let-go-dreams.jpg

     ΅∼ ೋღ  ღೋ      ∼΅

       In A Moment…

     You can laugh…

      You can cry….

          You can behold the most beautiful things…

     You can have your breath taken away…

       You can experience excruciating agony…

      You can cry tears of joy…

            You can be given devastating news..

      You can smile…

      You can create unforgettable memories…

      You can fall in love…

      You can brighten someones day…

      You can give your heart away…

      You can walk away from love…

      You can break a heart…

      You can mend a heart…

       All this and more you can do in a moment…

   ΅∼ ೋღ ღೋ     ∼΅

      Cherish every moment…

       For it’s not how much time you have…

      It’s the moments you fill it with…

~~~~

     ΅ ೋღ ♥ ღೋ      ΅

    ΅∼ ೋღ  Christina~  ღೋ      ∼΅

Something Wonderful Is Coming….

Okay, so I stole that line from a movie…if you know which one then I know how old you are! :D  Seriously, I have been working on something that isn’t quite ready yet…I’m hoping to have it finished and ready to post tomorrow.

I really wanted to thank you all for your love and concern from my mom’s (Penny’s) followers and mine who have gone so far above and beyond in showing love and support that I am so wonderously overwhelmed! I wanted to give back a little something…I know it couldn’t possibly compare to what you’ve given me, but it is a small token to show my extreme gratitude.

It was important for me to throw this little post in here because of the…heaviness of the my last post and the one Penny (mom) wrote. It was a beautiful experience for both of us to get it out (well not all of it, but enough) and in doing so we are able to let it go. THE most important thing now is moving on for each of us and for the children.

Sure, we’ll have our bad days…but I certainly don’t want to LIVE there!!! I know in my heart of hearts that Duane would not want us sad…he would want us to embrace all that life has to offer and enjoy every moment of it! Okay so he’d probably want me to wakeboard too, but that’s on next summer’s list…maybe lol :p

So, please take this sincere graditude and know that you, each of you, have given an incredible gift to each of us.

You are all amazing, keep being unique, keep being you….and we’ll/I’ll keep reading and being inspired by you.

Hugs and Love,

Christina ~

Perception…

“Forget what hurt you, but never what it taught you.”

He was your puppet….

Looking always for your approval…

Never feeling like he got it—ever.

You polluted him…manipulated him…

Now he’s gone and you turned to me…to us…

I won’t play that game.

I am strong and I cut all the tendrils you had wrapped around us.

What do you see when you look at me?

Do you think I’m not trying my best?

Am I not living up to the insanely impossible expectations you think I should be?

Do you have even the smallest clue that I am going so far above what any one person

should be able to do that I even surprise myself?

No…you don’t

You want to know why I am the way I am…

You want to know why I’m distant….

Why I’m angry, even after I told you…

You never heard me…like I’m invisible and my words were never ever ever heard or acknowledged in any way…

You want to know why I’m not doing more and more and more and more…

Who do you think you are?

Were you there when we needed you?

No…you weren’t…

Were you there even offering to help?

No…you weren’t…

Were you supportive, encouraging, or at least trying show the slightest bit of sympathy for anyone besides you?

No…you weren’t…

I know better now…

 I can handle your selfishness hidden by judgment.

I can handle your chosen ignorance.

I’m a grown up…I’ve been through and done more than you will ever know or conceive to know…

Even if you tried to understand…

Which you don’t…

You would rather hand out advice, judgment, criticism, and try to manipulate innocent little children.

The sad part is you don’t even realize what you’re doing…

You are so focused on you that you can’t see me,

You can’t see us and our grief, our struggles, our stress (at your doing), our problems,

our loss, our triumphs, our overcoming, our doing better and better without you.

You said no but God said Yes.

The final tendril is cut and you no longer can control or manipulate us.

You are not in control of us anymore…

I…we are stronger, wiser, better, happier without you and your unrealistic expectations.

If that upsets you…you only have yourself to blame.

Take the standards you set for me and apply them to yourself…see how well you do.

I have survived these past two years, I have survived the numerous cruel actions and words

you have excused away again and again and again and again.

I’m so very tired of your  excuses…

Nothing can justify your actions. Nothing…

I am stronger now…

What do you see when you look at me?

It doesn’t matter…

 Because I don’t care.

And then I remembered…

  ~“Some people create their own storms and then complain when it rains” ~

You don’t understand why I’m angry…

You say you’re the one who is angry…

I’m not surprised…

Let me tell you a story…

Half of me died that day…

You thought only of you…

Your needs, your loss, your grief…

I thought of you and your loss…

I made myself forget…

You decided what, how, and when things should happen for me and my children’s lives without reference to me…

I thought of you and your loss…

I made myself forget…

You were so focused on what was bearing down on you that you couldn’t empathize with anything or anyone but you and your needs…

You said you cared but every action showed otherwise…

I thought of you and your loss…

I made myself forget…

You hurt my children…one walked forever away from you…

You made excuses to cover every hurtful action…

I thought of you and your loss…

I made myself forget…

You ripped the rug out from under us so many times…tore down this family with your own hands…ripped us apart again and again and again with so much judgment, more and more expectation, stress, grief, and extreme hurt…

You thought only of you, your needs, who would take care of you, who would take care of your burdens…

You laid your burdens on my shoulders…

You expected more from me then you ever did from him…

I thought of your loss…

I made myself forget…

You finally stepped so far over the line… there is no going back…the ultimate cruelty to a family so torn up and shredded, not only by grief but also by you and your actions for your self preservation…

So many hurtful actions…that your loving words faded into nothingness…

I honored your burdens, the ones you place on my shoulders at the darkest/hardest/saddest time of my life…

My true family stepped up to make that difference…

I thought of your loss….

I thought of our loss…

And then I REMEMBERED!!!!!

One Lovely Blog Award

I was so very touched today to receive this One Lovely Blogger Award from The Blazing Trail . To some this may not be that big of a deal…to me it means recognition and being especially thought of…something everyone needs but doesn’t always get.  I say thank you so very very much for this…my first award. I am honored.

Here are rules for the award:

1. I need to thank the person who nominated me.

2. Share 7 things about myself that you still may not know.

1) I am in love with the sci-fi show -Doctor Who (David Tennant being my absolute favorite)!    

2) The reason for my nick name JavaKat is because I’m addicted to coffee/espresso!

3) I do not easily share my emotions and tend to hide behind humor and sarcasm.

4) My family is THE most important thing in my life.

5) I love my animals like they were more children.

6) I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

7) I like to watch cheesy made-for-tv sci-fi movies and make fun of them.

3. Nominate 15 bloggers .

4. Notify the nominees that I have done so.

5. Put the logo of the award on my blog site.

And now to my 15 nominees:

http://pjgracecommunity.wordpress.com

http://throughthehealinglens.wordpress.com

http://fictionalmachines.wordpress.com

http://www.thewhyaboutthis.com

http://anelephantcant.wordpress.com

http://michellesomer.wordpress.com

http://justspokenthoughts.wordpress.com

http://jdgallagher.wordpress.com

http://subhanzein.wordpress.com

http://danielabram.wordpress.com

http://jimibodansko.wordpress.com

http://lesplaisirssimplesdelavie.wordpress.com/

http://slapppshotblog.com/

http://tebogondlovu.wordpress.com

http://courtingmadness.wordpress.com/

I never knew that starting a blog could impact my life in so many positive ways. I absolutely adore meeting new friends, the acceptance, encouragement, and inspiration that abound in all of you! I think it the most incredible, amazing, awesome blessing I’ve had in a long long long time.

To the friends I’ve already made and those waiting to be met…keep doing what you’re doing…you are all uniquely incredible!!

Christina ~

Believe…

“Believe in God. Believe in Love. Believe in true family and friends and most importantly, believe in yourself.” ~