Anachronistic Synchronization…

anachronistic syncronization
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“When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.”
Nietzsche ~
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A Rift in time…
In her mind…
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The lure and the lie of emotional withdrawal when too many collisions of Memory’s timeline tangle up in a tumultuous ceaseless storm…
   Scything…
        Shattering…

          Lost in a requiem of chaos…

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A dream within a dream…dissimilar yet simultaneously similar as if pages from her life’s book…torn apart, reassembled haphazardly.
While, improbable…nevertheless, making a new whole from the sum of its disjointed parts.

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Past and present fragments collide…

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Cataclysm…

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        Anachronistic synchronization.
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I’ve been away and I’ve missed you, each….one…of…you. This is my way of attempting to condense the past few months.

The inherent tendency to withdraw is fierce in me. I’m working on it.

I’m fighting it.

I’m grateful…so very grateful, for *you*.

               ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

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Digital art by Candra at cuded.com

Each Moment…~

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“All words are pegs to hang ideas on.” 

Henry Ward Beecher ~

 

╰⊰✿ I was supposed to be writing more often. I promised myself a minimum of how often I hoped to post…having not met that minimum I am now here because I also have a new motto I’m trying to live by. A motto I’d like to share with you as well…

“Each moment is a perfectly contained capsule of life. Each moment is the only one we can life in, the only one we have control over. The past moments are gone. The future moments are not here yet. What we have is only this very moment. Meaning…we can choose each new moment to change that which we don’t like, enjoy that which we do, and know that each one of these moments are precious pearls strung together to make a life. Our life.”

And right this very moment I get to share that with you, as you read this…as I write this. We are, for a brief few minutes connected in time. It’s really a rather staggering and mind-blowing concept to contemplate. All that to say that it’s okay I’ve not written, because I have chosen right now to write. I have many thoughts I wish to share with you about the epic nature of our modern ability to connect with others around the world. I’ve experienced it here with you in blog format, on my Facebook Page as mentioned before, and also on Twitter–which is new to me. Well, not new…per se…I’ve had a Twitter account for some time, but in taking time each day to connect…just to say good morning or ‘hey look at my crazy dog’, share a meaningful quote, or whatever quick little thing(s) throughout the day one wishes to share, Twitter is the format for it.

I know some don’t care for it and others use it for entirely different purposes. I’m just along for the ride and happily call it ‘research’. I adore the connections I’ve made so far and look forward to many more. I’ve shared the love of the reading, of words, of coffee, of writing. I have connected with those who are practicing the craft of writing, those who are writing books, those who have books published, those who would rather just read books and more. Some who just love the idea of an instant connection ‘in a moment’ with someone.she reads to nourish

All this goes with my rapidly growing voracious appetite for words. How people use them. How they are interpreted. How social media, books, everything written is assimilated, sought after, shared. I find it absolutely fascinating and am just so honored to be part of it. Honored that some would be interested in my words…in what I have to say…to share. Beyond honored that they would take the time to tell me exactly how my words, my poems, have affected them.

So, in a moment we can change our lives, or life can change it for us. Both for good and bad. In most cases, we have the choice to pilot our moments in the directions of our dreams…if we only would choose to.

 

Until next time… ✿⊱╮

 

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     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

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P.S.  As you may have noticed I am currently…tweaking the layout, it’s still not quite what I’ve envisioned. However, I do very much appreciate you’re awesomeness while I continue to get it sorted. And hey…have an amazingly incredible day/night! ♥ xx~

 

And She Rambles…Randomly…

 

words rose

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╰⊰✿  I had a process. A writing process. The words I would take in from everything around me…books, songs, the interwebs, a conversation…they would join and rejoin and then form into something I crafted, shaped, molded into a poem….my version of a poem. I never really did think of my poems as traditional. More prose-like. More unique, or so I tried. Yet…they always felt lacking to me in some way. Although, you guys…you beautiful souls would comment and say the most unfathomably wondrous things to me. I would breathe a sigh of relief as though I had been holding my breath until reading your feedback. It was absolutely glorious. Addictive.

During my hiatus I’ve been reading, as mentioned in the last post, but I’ve also been watching, learning…becoming thirstier for even more knowledge…other writers. Writers I admire. Some are famous in the traditional ‘household name’ sort of way, and some maybe you’ve never heard of. Maybe you have. I’ll gladly share if you ask, but this is about me learning what they do. How they do it. How they consistently write their books. How they stay so very focused. How they manage to juggle the online distractions of Facebook Pages, Twitter, Google+, Instagram. How they manage to create their art and yet stay in touch, grow their connections, day in and day out. I’ve learned so much, just enough to make me dare to think I might be able to emulate them, in their commitment…their diligence to their passion to create and stay connected.

I’ve experimented. I’ve been making amazing friends via my Facebook Page which is over there to your right (bottom if you’re on your phone) and also on Twitter. Instagram is a new excursion for me and one I’m not fully versed in yet, but I am trying. I’m putting it all out there. My kids, my crazy chaotic life. Mostly though, I’m trying to understand how to connect and create. I’ve not written anything longer than a Facebook Post or Tweet in the months I’ve been away, well…maybe an email counts as writing. If so, then I suppose I have written.

IMG_19918066605765I have also, now that I’m thinking about it, written a few ‘stream of conscious’ book reviews on Goodreads. I call them such because they were just like this post. Me just typing my thoughts as they come to mind…that’s it. I don’t know if they’re any good, that wasn’t my intention when writing them. They were just my thoughts and feelings on them when I finished reading. I’ve not reread them, knowing me…I’d attempt to rewrite them. I’m learning it’s okay to just write and then let it go. Exactly my hopes for this post.

A few of the aforementioned books have touched me so very deeply I cannot, even in this overly long post, express their impact on my entire way of thinking…of myself, of my life, of my overwhelming desire to write, of my connections with each of you. I feel as though the years of conditioning that life has put me through has fallen away, so to speak, and left me free to recreate…reconstruct myself, yet again. An absolute metamorphosis.

I would very much like to continue to be so free thinking with what I share with you. I would like to share what I’m learning, what I desire to learn, what I’m reading, what I long to read, what I’m thinking, and so very much more. I imagine it will be different for you as well as for me and may take some getting used to. However, through this I very much hope and wish you gain a better insight into my world….and I in yours….

Until next time…~ ✿⊱╮

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     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Reconstruction Redux… ~

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You know how you want to do something…need to do something but then life inundates you with its demands, it’s distractions.

You think…I’ll post soon….

‘The words will come, I’ll write something great! Well… I’ll give it my best.’

Then you don’t.

Days turn into weeks, weeks to months, months pass one after the other…soon it’s been four months.

Now you think…

‘What will I say?’ or ‘How do I share the malaise, the doubt, the perfectionist tendency to not post anything until black and white writingI have something truly remarkable to share. Something potentially erudite. Something close to achieving the unending goal of turning emotions, feelings, into words.’

How do I share those many months and their transformational effect on me, my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and my writing? How that amalgamation will in turn change what I share with you all. How I plan to write more than poetry. How I felt almost trapped into thinking that I needed to somehow only express myself via poems.

How do I share that now I know me better? Now, I’ve entered a new and hopefully even more exciting phase in my reconstruction. How change can be so frightening…how my fear of what you would think of said changes affected my doing so sooner.

How do I share my remorse and guilt for being away so long without a word to each of you to say ‘hey, I’m alright…just coping with life, sometimes drowning, but feeling stronger each time I realize…I can let go and float until my strength returns…until I can swim again.

2015-02-05 19.43.52How do I share that these many months away I’ve read the most incredible books. Books that have helped me grow as a person, a woman, a writer. Books that have shown me it’s okay to be me. That I don’t have to hide behind this self-created façade. That I can just be…real. Transparent.

This is where my reconstruction began. This is where my reconstruction continues to change as I do. Where I grow ever more in love with words, with books, with reading, with sharing, with each of you in that loving family non-creepy way.

I’m here now… ~  Let this journey begin anew…I’ll start with wishes for a deliriously magical year for each of you along with my hopes to see you soon at your place, I’ve so very much to catch up on!

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     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Paradigm Shift…

melancholy shadow woman

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That last desperate flamboyance of wallowing in a world of wishes…

Blissfully ignorant…

Only to wake to the insidious lie hidden in time…

Brought forward to wake you from the otherwhere of this evanescent dream…

Dividing itself from reality through a gossamer veil…

Echoes of reminiscence whisper from the other side…

Memory by memory…

Fading…

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Paradigm shift…

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     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

Diaphanous Dreamscape….

girl white rose

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I look back trying to find illumination…
Seeking my inspiration…
Pivotal points of perception…
I search for my words…
They’ve left me in the desert of my reality…

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Transport me to my dreamscape…
Let me reside there…
Where words float around me like butterflies of serenity…
Whispering promises of peace…
A balm to soothe my soul…
My self expression…needing release…aching for it…

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I search the depths of my heart…
I see the tears…
The sadness…
The scars I choose to wear inside…
Remembrance of days gone…memories packed away…

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I see with hindsight a succession of happenings…
I see the struggle…
The very battle for my sanity ~ end with the discovery of my voice…
My words…
Each little nuance distinctively mine…

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I see pieces of me creating my sanctuary…
My oasis built from the words woven in my mind…
All ways there waiting for me….
A bouquet of thought…

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 This is my diaphanous dreamscape…
A reflection of me…
My creation…
Born from the ashes of my former life…
Now the foundation on which I rebuild….
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     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅

For Loss of Words ~ Second Anniversary…

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Two years ago, on June 17th, 2012, I wrote my first post for this blog. I had no idea then all that could happen…would happen…it most certainly marked an epoch in my life. An epoch I am ceaselessly grateful for and feel it one of the most impactful changes in my life.

Shortly thereafter, I met Neil, my admiration of his writing was instantaneous, as was our friendship. On August 30, 2012 we published our first collaboration. It was such an incredible honor to read his words which I so admire. I had never attempted anything like this before…it was the beginning of future audio and video collaborations with Neil, followed by a few vlogs of my own.

 An excerpt from my “Christina ~ Out Loud” page…

Neil…thank you so much sweet sir…you are a star who will always shine so bright in my night sky. A friend who helped pull me out of myself and try something new and so so fun!”

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I wish to say thank you to everyone who has been along this journey with me, encouraged me, inspired me, and given me your steadfast support… with special gratitude to Neil who opened the door to new possibilities…new dreams…who encouraged me out of my shell.

Each one of you add so much to my life…

Transforming it from darkness into a rainbow of dreams…

~

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     ΅〜 ೋ  Christina〜  ೋ 〜΅